Hate my job question
Not fond of my job to begin with, but the "hen fest" is getting out of hand.
I feel my job is important, and that I provide a very necessary service to my consumers, but the thing about working with the mentally retarded is that they just keep being mentally retarded. Never any progress. I'd much rather work with kids, which is my primary education, but no jobs are available currently that will pay a living wage, so I'm kinda stuck for the time being, because the bennies are great.
Anyhow, back to the henfest.
I work in an office of mostly women, all but the secretary and my boss are younger than me, and our "token male" is my age. Two twenty-somethings in the office next to mine have taken it upon themselves to make it their mission to do what they can to ruin my good reputation as a worker. One is a "hall monitor" type who sees everything in terms of black and white, rules are rules, and that is all there is to it, and refuses to recognize that there are shades of grey. We aren't talking about violations of any serious nature, just rule that need to be bent given the functional level of some of our clients in order for them to receive services. She spends an inordinate amount of her time worrying what the other supports coordinators are doing with their time. Management material, for sure.
Second one is a 24 y/o for whom this is her first job out of college. She hate me for some reason. We shared an office together for a year, and she was pretty cool for the most part. Then she started having these "phases" where she would not even speak to me. So, after a few days of this, I would ask her if I had done something that had gotten her mad, and she would do the passive/aggressive "No, not at all," and things would temporarilly go back to normal. After about 6 months of this crap, she started this up, and I was starting to feel manipulated, and refused to grovel to some 24 year old, snot-nose, figuring she'll get over it. Well, we spent 2 months sharing an office in silence, I would come in and say "Hi," I'd get a rather cold "Hi" back, and then not another word for the rest of the day. Fine, whatever.
While I was off with my broken arm, I come back to my office, and she is gone. She now shares an office with the "hall monitor."
Since I've come back, every week, my boss is caling me into her office because she needs to "follow up" on some report she recieved from "someone" else about my performance. I spend my time and the agency's time finding evidence that the accusations are false. Boss has been very sympathetic, but unfortunately is very non-confrontational. Fortunately, I have a good relationship with my boss, and as long as I can "put up," I believe she will be in my corner.
Mike's take on it is that I'm a 42 y/o woman and these are a couple of kids young enough to be my kids, what is the problem with going up to them and saying "What gives? Knock the crap off." Makes sense in a rational world, right?
My point is I do not work in an oilfield, and there is an order that has to be followed where complaints against another worker are concerned. I've been forced into playing the office version of "Survivor, The Home Game." If I confront her, they will cry to my boss. If she gets no where with my boss, I have no doubts that she will go to the "big boss," which will not be good for me, and also bad for my boss, which will ruin my relationship with her.
I just want to go to work and do my job, and go home. I'm not asking anyone to be my friend, go out for a beer with me.....I don't need this crap, and i did not bring it on myself.
Any suggestions, besides quit at this time? I thought about asking the boss to intervene, but knowing her propensity for non-confrontation, I am not confident that the issue will be resolved. I though about telling the boss I intend to speak to the parties, and asking her permission to do so, but then the "conversation" turn into a "she said/she said" sort of thing.
Thinking about becoming a truck driver.....
I feel my job is important, and that I provide a very necessary service to my consumers, but the thing about working with the mentally retarded is that they just keep being mentally retarded. Never any progress. I'd much rather work with kids, which is my primary education, but no jobs are available currently that will pay a living wage, so I'm kinda stuck for the time being, because the bennies are great.
Anyhow, back to the henfest.
I work in an office of mostly women, all but the secretary and my boss are younger than me, and our "token male" is my age. Two twenty-somethings in the office next to mine have taken it upon themselves to make it their mission to do what they can to ruin my good reputation as a worker. One is a "hall monitor" type who sees everything in terms of black and white, rules are rules, and that is all there is to it, and refuses to recognize that there are shades of grey. We aren't talking about violations of any serious nature, just rule that need to be bent given the functional level of some of our clients in order for them to receive services. She spends an inordinate amount of her time worrying what the other supports coordinators are doing with their time. Management material, for sure.
Second one is a 24 y/o for whom this is her first job out of college. She hate me for some reason. We shared an office together for a year, and she was pretty cool for the most part. Then she started having these "phases" where she would not even speak to me. So, after a few days of this, I would ask her if I had done something that had gotten her mad, and she would do the passive/aggressive "No, not at all," and things would temporarilly go back to normal. After about 6 months of this crap, she started this up, and I was starting to feel manipulated, and refused to grovel to some 24 year old, snot-nose, figuring she'll get over it. Well, we spent 2 months sharing an office in silence, I would come in and say "Hi," I'd get a rather cold "Hi" back, and then not another word for the rest of the day. Fine, whatever.
While I was off with my broken arm, I come back to my office, and she is gone. She now shares an office with the "hall monitor."
Since I've come back, every week, my boss is caling me into her office because she needs to "follow up" on some report she recieved from "someone" else about my performance. I spend my time and the agency's time finding evidence that the accusations are false. Boss has been very sympathetic, but unfortunately is very non-confrontational. Fortunately, I have a good relationship with my boss, and as long as I can "put up," I believe she will be in my corner.
Mike's take on it is that I'm a 42 y/o woman and these are a couple of kids young enough to be my kids, what is the problem with going up to them and saying "What gives? Knock the crap off." Makes sense in a rational world, right?
My point is I do not work in an oilfield, and there is an order that has to be followed where complaints against another worker are concerned. I've been forced into playing the office version of "Survivor, The Home Game." If I confront her, they will cry to my boss. If she gets no where with my boss, I have no doubts that she will go to the "big boss," which will not be good for me, and also bad for my boss, which will ruin my relationship with her.
I just want to go to work and do my job, and go home. I'm not asking anyone to be my friend, go out for a beer with me.....I don't need this crap, and i did not bring it on myself.
Any suggestions, besides quit at this time? I thought about asking the boss to intervene, but knowing her propensity for non-confrontation, I am not confident that the issue will be resolved. I though about telling the boss I intend to speak to the parties, and asking her permission to do so, but then the "conversation" turn into a "she said/she said" sort of thing.
Thinking about becoming a truck driver.....
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Id talk to your boss about it and document everything because the tattell tale is doing that one you 0 -
On the next occasion, I would tell my boss I want to confront my accusers in her office and clear it up once and for all. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by dheffley
On the next occasion, I would tell my boss I want to confront my accusers in her office and clear it up once and for all.
That was another scenario I had though of.0 -
quote:Originally posted by dheffley
On the next occasion, I would tell my boss I want to confront my accusers in her office and clear it up once and for all.
+100 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
quote:Originally posted by dheffley
On the next occasion, I would tell my boss I want to confront my accusers in her office and clear it up once and for all.
That was another scenario I had though of.
Although I've never been in this situation myself, that seems like the best solution. A face to face confrontation usually shuts that type down.0 -
quote:Originally posted by guntech59
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
quote:Originally posted by dheffley
On the next occasion, I would tell my boss I want to confront my accusers in her office and clear it up once and for all.
That was another scenario I had though of.
Although I've never been in this situation myself, that seems like the best solution. A face to face confrontation usually shuts that type down.
Well, shutting down isn't the best idea, the trick is to get what you want and make the other party feel like they got what they wanted. Basically, manipulate them without getting caught into whatever that is they are up to.0 -
I have been a "boss" for about 38 years and one thing I learned real quick is if someone kicks you then you kick them twice. Reading your post I can tell you would never last as a boss. You don't have the killer instinct. If you think other employees are a bitech to work with you should be a boss for a while. Other bosses will run you home screaming if you are not strong. They will lie to you, lie about you, try to take credit for your ideas and work. Anything to get your job. The politics of management are out of this world. To stay on top a person has to be stronger, (read more devious) than the others. In other words have a strong killer instinct. 0 -
What ever stops the crap is what is best. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Rosie
I have been a "boss" for about 38 years and one thing I learned real quick is if someone kicks you then you kick them twice. Reading your post I can tell you would never last as a boss. You don't have the killer instinct. If you think other employees are a bitech to work with you should be a boss for a while. Other bosses will run you home screaming if you are not strong. They will lie to you, lie about you, try to take credit for your ideas and work. Anything to get your job. The politics of management are out of this world. To stay on top a person has to be stronger, (read more devious) than the others. In other words have a strong killer instinct.
I have no intentions to be a boss. I'm just doing my time til something better comes up. I think "they" are threatened by me, though, because of my relationship with the boss. I appreciate what you are saying though, about standing up for myself.0 -
Based on what you have said, I conclude that you work for a government entity. If you do, your employee manual should give you a route to resolve the problem.
Are you a member of a collective bargaining unit(union)?? They could help you if so.
Prepare a brand new resume' and start looking for a new position.
Try "monster.com".
I've been on both ends of your dilemma and it's very tough.
If you want, you can give me a call at 503-843-2020. If I don't answer, leave a message.
I'll do anything I can to help.
I think you guys are good people.
Doug0 -
...Start your own service and leave the politics to the twits.
...As long as you work for someone else you will always have to put up with poop, to one degree or another. You will always have problems with work and dealing with twits; but with your own business you have your hand a little deeper in the cookie jar to help compensate...luck...[;)]
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insecure people do this all the time, it gets old. by buttering up the boss, they get her off them and on you. most bosses will get tired of their tattle tales. ignore them and do your job. order out for lunch in their name to be delivered, hang them with the bill[:D], maybe some lindburger cheese strategicly placed in their cubicle[:D] or some done papers that disappear[:D] or skunk scent in or on their car or chair[:D]
paybacks are a beotch[:D]0 -
makes it a little tougher when your immediate boss is weak..a run at the next level might turn your immediate boss into survivor mode regardless of true situation...but i would have to agree with deheffly as a first run at problem...i worked 5 years in the county courthouse with 3 floors of women who were more worried about who else got or did what than doing their max...i did not have to work there so just went thru it till another job came up...much respect for those who can work with MR and educate kids...with good resume jobs should be open...sometimes the process of changing jobs is the hard part 0 -
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When the big change took place in the store...I only had ONE thing to say to the new owners.
Hire any female....and I'm gone.
Over the years I have never seen one instance where women could happily work together. Most women manipulate and stir up more insanity with no concern for a happy work environment. I think your "boss" needs a good shove in the deep end of the pool. She is just as much to blame for the crap as the twits that are trying to get to you.
Tell your boss if she doesn't "grow a pair" and take care of things....you plan on doing so yourself. Tell her that the next time any type of complaint is made she had better get pissed and put them in their place. If you have to go to the higher ups to take care of it yourself that may not be a bad thing. Maybe you can show your boss what it is like to have to constantly live with aggrivation and frustration.
How would you complaining to HER boss be any different than what the twits are doing. Another thing you should do is start treating the twits like the children they are.....talk down to them and simplify every word you say to them....like you would a three year old. If you have a chance you should ask one to help the other "because they need to help each other."
I just couldn't put up with that mess. It makes me mad to even think about it.0 -
Agreed, LF. I just cannot figure their rationale for stirring up crap. I think they see me as a threat, even though I am candid enough to say I have absolutely no desire to achieve a management position in the agency. I don't know if they do it for the power trip factor, or if their own lives are so dull that they just have to keep the office soap opera going.
Whatever the case is, it's just stupidity. If women would stop bickering amongst each other long enough to take a good look around, we would realize we could run the world!0 -
it is hearsay until the accuser is in front of you, i myself would hear no more about until then, and if they don't have the balls to come forward they should keep their mouth shut 0 -
Also, you have to realize, we live in a small town. "Hall monitor's" hubby is the tech guy for the local sheltered workshop, and "Miss passive/aggressive" is buds with one of the female supervisor, so their undermining has filtered into corresponding agencies, thus affecting my working relationship there.
Friday's drama was my boss informing me that she received a call from the female sheltered workshop supervisor, telling her that one of my consumers wanted to be taken off my caseload and put on "Miss passive/aggressive's" caseload, the reason being that she is "more friendly and fun," and that all I ever do is come to have her sign papers.
My supervisor refused, saying that this is the job (signing papers) and sitting that if this individual feels they did not get any recent individual attention from me, possibly it was because I was off for two months.
I'm beginning to wonder who is more "challenged," the consumers or the drama queens.0 -
I left my first job out of college a year and a half early because of exactly this. I committed to stay three years but couldn't last that long because the office manager (female), for some reason, had it out for me. I should say that I left, not because of this individual, but because the director refused to address it properly. Apparently the director (also female) thought it was easier to recruit and hire another audiologist instead of firing the office manager and hiring one who wanted to work and get along with everyone. The director couldn't complain when I left though because I had documented everything, plus it was pretty obvious what the office manager was doing.
I strongly suggested more than once that the office manager come into the director's office with me at the same time so we could have it out, but the director refused. That was too stressful so I found another job and left, even though being just out of school I couldn't afford to move I borrowed (more) money and moved 4 states away. Looking back I probably should have given the director an ultimatum (me or her), but I wasn't too keen on staying in Texas anyway (no offense to you wonderful Texans here:))
Not too surprisingly, the office manager was canned about 4 months after I left because she decided that she couldn't get along with my replacement, or the others in the office either.
Here's the kicker- I finally figured out what I did that ticked her off, although it baffled me. I had two kids at the time with a third on the way, and even with my wife at home it was (and is) difficult to raise them. She was a single mom (never married) and I made a passing comment once, meant to be supportive not critical, that "it must be tough being a single mom." That was all I did but for some reason she thought it was a personal attack.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Mike's take on it is that I'm a 42 y/o woman and these are a couple of kids young enough to be my kids, what is the problem with going up to them and saying "What gives? Knock the crap off." Makes sense in a rational world, right?
I agree with mike....direct and decisive action you and them...no bosses or BS...0 -
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