funny joke
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When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in in.
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, couriosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly courious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior, however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I gesss 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered: "Well whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Sig232
NRA Patron Member0 -
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, ' When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note o n the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Chris t as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the bababooey out of him.
9) W h en David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me'
12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's [:D]0 -
Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are
going to send into battle first?"0 -
What does the Washington D.C. Zoo and the White House have in common?
The zoo has an African lion and the White house has a lying African0 -
Birdbrain
In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next.0 -
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking
He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. Mom, look I'm a White Boy!
His mom slaps him in the face and says; Go show your father.
He goes to his dad in the living room and says; look dad I'm a White Boy!
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says; go show you grandmother!
The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says Mira, abuelita, I'm a White Boy! His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says, see, did you learn anything from that?
To which the boy replies, sure did. I have only been White for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!
Sig2320 -
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
"Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby.
" Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa!"
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."0 -
One beautiful autumn day, a Park Ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead Bald Eagle.
"Hey mister, the Bald Eagle is a protected species, and killing one is punishable offense", said the Park Ranger.
The man was swiftly arrested, and ushered before the judge.
In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.
"I was so hungry" complained the defensive camper, "the Bald Eagle was the only food I could find!"
To everyone's amazement, the judge ruled in his favor.
In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. But I'd like to know: What did it taste like?"
The man answered: "Well, it tasted like a cross between a Whooping Crane and a Spotted Owl."
If you like my first shot? wait until you see my next!0 -
hahahahahhahahahhahaa.
haahahahahahah hahaa.
hahahah haa hahah.
hahahahahahaha
hahahahahaha
hahahaha
haha
ha....
ha.
[:)]0 -
[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D] 0 -
hahahahah 0 -
hahahahahhahahahhahaa.
hahahahahahaahahahaa.
hahahah haa hahah.
haha hahahaha
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ha haha
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ha....
ha.
[B)]0 -
good one 0 -
[:D][:D][:D][:D]
[:D][:D][:D]
[:D][:D]
[:D]0 -
...making PTR 91's 0 -
Get back to work gringo. 0
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