An atheist was walking Joke
Subject: FW: Bear in the woods
>
>
>
> An atheist was walking through the woods.
> "What majestic trees"!
> "What powerful rivers"!
> "What beautiful animals"!
> He said to himself.
>
> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the
bushes
> behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge
> towards
> him.
>
> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder &
> saw
> that the bear was closing in on him.
>
> He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He
> tripped
> &
> fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that
the
> bear
> was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising
> his
> right paw to strike him.
>
>
> At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
>
> Time Stopped.
> The bear froze.
> The forest was silent.
>
> As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You
> deny
> my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even
> credit
> creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of
this
> predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
> The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of
> me
> to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you
> could
> make the BEAR a Christian"?
>
> "Very Well," said the voice.
>
> The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
> dropped
> his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
>
> "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
> through
> Christ our Lord, Amen."
>
>
>
>
> An atheist was walking through the woods.
> "What majestic trees"!
> "What powerful rivers"!
> "What beautiful animals"!
> He said to himself.
>
> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the
bushes
> behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge
> towards
> him.
>
> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder &
> saw
> that the bear was closing in on him.
>
> He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He
> tripped
> &
> fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that
the
> bear
> was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising
> his
> right paw to strike him.
>
>
> At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
>
> Time Stopped.
> The bear froze.
> The forest was silent.
>
> As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You
> deny
> my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even
> credit
> creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of
this
> predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
> The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of
> me
> to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you
> could
> make the BEAR a Christian"?
>
> "Very Well," said the voice.
>
> The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
> dropped
> his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
>
> "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
> through
> Christ our Lord, Amen."
>
0
-
naahh! it went like this:
an athiest was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself.
then a bear ate him.
(that's the way it goes.)0 -
So, I have always wondered, Who created god? 0 -
Thats simple HEDOG. Man. Every since the first thunder clap man needed a boogy man in the closet to explain why it thundered, why it rained or didnt rain, why the sun rose in the morning, so He started out by inventing GODS, I have a book here somewhere with all the names of the different gods man invented since the beginning of[:0] documented history. somewhere over a couple thousand I believe.. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
So, I have always wondered, Who created god?
as have I.0 -
God is eternal. There was never a time when God did not exist, nor will there ever be a time when God does not exist. God is the only being whose reason for existence lies within Himself. And He loves all you guys who don't beleive in Him. We all have a divine appointment with Him at the day of our death. Denying Him does not change that. 0 -
I created God.
He existed for approximately 2 years when I was between 10 and 12.
As my powers of reasoning increased, I began to demand more of my creation. I began to demand answers to questions as to why he treated his people the way he did.
I consulted many people who had also created a God, and even went through the Lutheran Confirmation Class with a Pastor I held (and hold) in very high regard.
Following that class, I determined that my creation was flawed and that I really had not created anything of substance. He has not re-emerged.
I have discovered, however, that there are many people who have done a much better job than I in the creation of their Gods. They are happy with their Gods and they gain strength, comfort and wisdom from them. None of these people have created a God that can answer the tough questions I demanded of mine. We have to be honest, though, and realize that the Gods we each create only have to satisfy us, not others.0 -
Psalm 14:1 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Oklahoma223
Psalm 14:1
'The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.'
Oklahoma223:
Your creation obviously works for you, and I applaud and respect your faith. I would never be so arrogant as to call anyone a fool for their beliefs, and certainly would not throw around words such as corrupt, abominable, and no good. I am therefore forced to question the motives of one who does.
No doubt you are still an imperfect vessel and not yet capable of the love demanded of you by Jesus. Until you reach that point, please keep your name calling to yourself.0 -
I'm just wondering, in the joke why is God so petty? 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Don McManus
quote:Originally posted by Oklahoma223
Psalm 14:1
'The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.'
Oklahoma223:
Your creation obviously works for you, and I applaud and respect your faith. I would never be so arrogant as to call anyone a fool for their beliefs, and certainly would not throw around words such as corrupt, abominable, and no good. I am therefore forced to question the motives of one who does.
No doubt you are still an imperfect vessel and not yet capable of the love demanded of you by Jesus. Until you reach that point, please keep your name calling to yourself.
I didn't call anyone a fool. I just reffered to a bible verse. If the bible is false as you say it is then you shouldn't take offense to it.0 -
Oklahoma:
What made you think I was offended?
For what it is worth I believe in most of the lifestyle teachings of Jesus, and find his example to be very positive. One does not have to believe in his divinity to realize that he was a truly great man and a great and inspiring leader and teacher.
I believe that he was correct in instructing us to resist picking up an offense, and that is how I try to live my life.
Edit:
Oklahoma223:
I do not wish any hard feelings. It is true that I am an atheist, and it is also true that I have been married for 20 years (this month) to a lovely spirit-filled born again Christian woman. Most of our friends are those she meets in church, and they are (almost) without fail, the nicest and most generous group of people I know.
That is what I mean when I say that there are many who do a better job at creating their God than I do. It is a statement of respect for who they are and how they live their lives, even though I believe that the source of their strength is from within rather than without.0 -
No hard feelings Don, Have a great day.[:)] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Oklahoma223
... And He loves all you guys who don't beleive in Him. ...so why is it that he's going to cast all of us unbelievers into the fiery pits of hell for all eternity? how can God do that and still love us unbelievers at the same time? and if that's true, if we're going to be damned forever because we refuse to believe in (let alone worship) what we have absolutely no reason to believe -until, supposedly, after we're dead already- why should we care?0 -
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
I don't have all the answers, as I am human just like you. I am not perfect, I am a sinful man. I just know that Gods forgiveness is free. God will not force you believe in Him. God makes the rules. I just believe by faith. God gives everyone a chance to respond to His offer of forgiveness. No one will have any excuses on the day of judgement. Give your life to Jesus today. Ask Him to forgive you and be your Lord. Repent of your sins. God is good all the time.[:)]0 -
John 3:16 = Human sacrifice. They took one perfectly good man who spent his thirty odd years on earth trying to do good for everyone and subjected him to hideous torture and death. And for what? Reminds me of the scapegoat theory. The Jews, I think, would take one perfectly good goat out of the pasture eating grass and thru some mumbo-jumbo could take all the killings, rapes, assaults, child sodomizing, you name it, and transfer it to this goat, who didn't know what was going on, then cut its throat. If you believe in the scapegoat theory, then you believe in John 3:16. I think the crucified man may have believed it too at the end. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by dano
Religion / God (pick one and insert here).....The biggest fraud ever perpetrated on man....by man.
+1[}:)]0 -
does God love all those souls that are currently in hell? he must not. Does God love Satan? apparently not, so it's not a stretch to come to the conclusion that he does not, in fact, love all those he cast into hell along with Satan.
at one time Satan was an angel, before he fell from grace and was banished to hell. so, at one time God must have loved Satan too. my point being, at one time he did, but now he doesn't.
so the story goes.
threfore the same can happen to all of us mortals. he can love us now, but maybe not so in the future. what makes the difference? at what point does God stop loving someone and start hating them? apparently when their chance to believe in Him, worship Him, etc etc has passed, they are judged, and either accepted into heaven or sent to hell.
so it must be that while on earth, God doesn't know how a man will choose, so until their time is up, God loves everybody; that would concur with the concept of men having free will to choose what they want.
but, it has also been said that God already knows how everything will turn out. He already knows what your choice will be. He already knows whether you will end up going to heaven or going to hell.
so, if He knows you're going to hell, and He knows He's going to hate you and damn you for all eternity (read all the despicable things He has to say about Satan and his cohabitants in hell), how can he love you right now? why doesn't He hate you right now, since He's going to hate you later on?
why would He ask such a person to repent, and say He loves them, when He knows that isn't going to come to pass?
"I love you! I love you! repent! repent! (now you're dead) You have not passed judgement, and you're going to hell for your sins! by the way, I knew from the beginning you were going to hell!"
why? is it a mockery? is it amusement? is it to make a false pretense to get other people to choose God? is it a false pretense to get believers to incessantly nag unbelievers, furthering their torture here on earth too?
why? it doesn't make sense. it can't be true.0 -
Wow ... did this joke ever take a turn! 0 -
It was not funny. How well would many on this board tolerate "Christian" jokes. Let's see...
A Christian and a dog were walking down the road one day, and...
Naw, it is just rude.0 -
HEDOG: You know that if it was a "Christian Joke, it would be persecution.[:(] But on the other foot it is OK.[:(] 
0 -
I am not way into politically correct. I think it fascism. But I do appreciate good manners. At the very least that would seem to include not belittling those around us or our friends here.
My pal ECC is a very courteous fellow, and does not refer to a non-believer like me as a minion of the devil, Satan's slave and such, though he may well believe that. I don't suggest his faith is a fools belief, simply because I don't share it. What I know is that he is stand up guy who is probably more fair than I am, that he is a family man, that he is a generous friend to this board and as far as I can tell he is a very decent human being. That is far more important to me than his religion or my lack there of. I have no idea what he thinks of me, that is his business, but he treats me with respect, and I don't recall ever seeing him post a joke where an athiest gets his comeupance at the hands of a Christian or a vengeful god. Perhaps the butts of our jokes should be someone other than our friends.0 -
The crowd on the precipice was not laughing when The Master showed them his funny face.[}:)] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
I am not way into politically correct. I think it fascism. But I do appreciate good manners. At the very least that would seem to include not belittling those around us or our friends here.
My pal ECC is a very courteous fellow, and does not refer to a non-believer like me as a minion of the devil, Satan's slave and such, though he may well believe that. I don't suggest his faith is a fools belief, simply because I don't share it. What I know is that he is stand up guy who is probably more fair than I am, that he is a family man, that he is a generous friend to this board and as far as I can tell he is a very decent human being. That is far more important to me than his religion or my lack there of. I have no idea what he thinks of me, that is his business, but he treats me with respect, and I don't recall ever seeing him post a joke where an athiest gets his comeupance at the hands of a Christian or a vengeful god. Perhaps the butts of our jokes should be someone other than our friends.
Well stated, He Dog. You and ECC are two of the good guys, and prove that differences in faith do not have to result in negativity.0 -
I would rather believe and follow God and die to find out there is no God.
Than live my life and not believe and die finding out there is a God.0 -
And you are most welcome to do so.[^] 0
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