Rusty Cars
I see a lot of rusty cars on the highway these days. We keep hearing that crime is falling, but you wouldn't know it by looking at all these rusty cars driving around. Rusty cars are driven by criminals and perverts. Ask any cop in any town, and he'll tell you, "Rusty cars and the people who drive them are no freakin' good."
I once rented a rusty car when I was visiting Des Moines, Iowa back in 1983. Hertz Rent-a-Car promised me a new Chrysler Lebaron, but when I got there all they had was a Chevette - and it had some rust on it. Well I've never been one to complain, so I took it.
When I was driving to the motor lodge, I decided to stop at a roadside saloon for a nice Michelob Dry. I've always liked Michelob. It reminds me of my Great Aunt Helen's breath, God bless her. There's something about a woman with beer breath that just makes me moist, and I'm not afraid to admit it to anyone.
There were a lot of rusty cars in the parking lot of that saloon. A lot of pickup trucks. I never did trust people who drive pickup trucks. Show me someone driving a pickup truck, and I'll show you a recently paroled rapist. Pickup truck people always keep a lot of stuff in the backs of their vehicles, things like dirty old mattresses and shirts with big sweaty circle stains under the arms. I once saw a perfectly good toothbrush lying in the back of a pickup truck.
Once in the saloon, I sat down at the bar and ordered my Michelob. The bartender was a red-haired woman wearing one of those tube tops, which don't leave a heck of a lot to the imagination. She asked me, "Is that your Chevette?" "For awhile," I answered. "I just love a man who has the courage to drive a fuel-efficient sedan," she said. Handing me my beer, she added, "This one's on the house."
Well before I knew it, the Michelob keg was blowing foam and Phyllis and I - Phyllis was her name - were on our way to the back seat of her rusty car, a Pontiac Phoenix. It had a plaid interior.
I must have dozed off at some point, because when I woke up, I was lying in the parking lot. Phyllis was gone, and so was my wallet. Worst of all though, there were big rusty scratches all up my side from where she dragged me over the rusty doorwell of that rusty Pontiac. You'd think that the people at Pontiac would have dragged some crash test dummies through that doorwell. It's just not safe.
If those fat cats in Washington really want to get my vote, they'll pass a law about those rusty cars and their owners. Maybe even build a special prison for all the Phyllis' of the world.
I once rented a rusty car when I was visiting Des Moines, Iowa back in 1983. Hertz Rent-a-Car promised me a new Chrysler Lebaron, but when I got there all they had was a Chevette - and it had some rust on it. Well I've never been one to complain, so I took it.
When I was driving to the motor lodge, I decided to stop at a roadside saloon for a nice Michelob Dry. I've always liked Michelob. It reminds me of my Great Aunt Helen's breath, God bless her. There's something about a woman with beer breath that just makes me moist, and I'm not afraid to admit it to anyone.
There were a lot of rusty cars in the parking lot of that saloon. A lot of pickup trucks. I never did trust people who drive pickup trucks. Show me someone driving a pickup truck, and I'll show you a recently paroled rapist. Pickup truck people always keep a lot of stuff in the backs of their vehicles, things like dirty old mattresses and shirts with big sweaty circle stains under the arms. I once saw a perfectly good toothbrush lying in the back of a pickup truck.
Once in the saloon, I sat down at the bar and ordered my Michelob. The bartender was a red-haired woman wearing one of those tube tops, which don't leave a heck of a lot to the imagination. She asked me, "Is that your Chevette?" "For awhile," I answered. "I just love a man who has the courage to drive a fuel-efficient sedan," she said. Handing me my beer, she added, "This one's on the house."
Well before I knew it, the Michelob keg was blowing foam and Phyllis and I - Phyllis was her name - were on our way to the back seat of her rusty car, a Pontiac Phoenix. It had a plaid interior.
I must have dozed off at some point, because when I woke up, I was lying in the parking lot. Phyllis was gone, and so was my wallet. Worst of all though, there were big rusty scratches all up my side from where she dragged me over the rusty doorwell of that rusty Pontiac. You'd think that the people at Pontiac would have dragged some crash test dummies through that doorwell. It's just not safe.
If those fat cats in Washington really want to get my vote, they'll pass a law about those rusty cars and their owners. Maybe even build a special prison for all the Phyllis' of the world.
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Hope you had an up to date tetnus shot.[:D] 0 -
hope she didn't give you rusty 'nads[:0][:o)] 0 -
That doesn't sound like Iowa to me...., except maybe for the pickup trucks. 0 -
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-Did you ever think about writing copy for Andy Rooney?0 -
quote:When I was driving to the motor lodge, I decided to stop at a roadside saloon for a nice Michelob Dry. I've always liked Michelob. It reminds me of my Great Aunt Helen's breath, God bless her. There's something about a woman with beer breath that just makes me moist, and I'm not afraid to admit it to anyone.
WTH does that mean when a man says it????0 -
quote:Originally posted by rogue_rob
quote:When I was driving to the motor lodge, I decided to stop at a roadside saloon for a nice Michelob Dry. I've always liked Michelob. It reminds me of my Great Aunt Helen's breath, God bless her. There's something about a woman with beer breath that just makes me moist, and I'm not afraid to admit it to anyone.
WTH does that mean when a man says it????
His ass starts sweating?0 -
What are you saying, just because my pick-up has rust, automatically I'm a POS? 0 -
quote:Originally posted by mateomasfeo
Rusty cars are driven by criminals and perverts. Ask any cop in any town, and he'll tell you, "Rusty cars and the people who drive them are no freakin' good."
Is that true about rusty Porsches too?
My 1970 911T:
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quote:mateomasfeo:
I see a lot of rusty cars on the highway these days. We keep hearing that crime is falling, but you wouldn't know it by looking at all these rusty cars driving around. Rusty cars are driven by criminals and perverts. Ask any cop in any town, and he'll tell you, "Rusty cars and the people who drive them are no freakin' good."
I noticed that every time I travel in the Northeast, Midwest and South - and of course in
Washington & Oregon.
We who live in Southern California, Arizona and Nevada have known this for our entire lifetimes.
... since our cars don't rust ... it must be true.0 -
No rust, but the paint checks, the interiors sun bake and rot, the motors burn out before their time, but your right, no rust! unless of course you live near the coast line (salt water). The rusty cars are a marker of the death of the middle class.
quote:Originally posted by zipperzap
quote:mateomasfeo:
I see a lot of rusty cars on the highway these days. We keep hearing that crime is falling, but you wouldn't know it by looking at all these rusty cars driving around. Rusty cars are driven by criminals and perverts. Ask any cop in any town, and he'll tell you, "Rusty cars and the people who drive them are no freakin' good."
I noticed that every time I travel in the Northeast, Midwest and South - and of course in
Washington & Oregon.
We who live in Southern California, Arizona and Nevada have known this for our entire lifetimes.
... since our cars don't rust ... it must be true.0 -
You need Wallie to illustrate your stories!! 0 -
Hey......me and my rusty old Ford Tempo (winter car) take exception to them words, as does my dad's rusty Jeep Comanche pickup..... [:D] 0
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