Thoughts for the day
11. Life is sexually transmitted.
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
9. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
8. Some people are like Slinkies .. not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
6. Whenever I start feeling blue, I start breathing again.
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents.
3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
And the # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Most "terrorists" are reported to have come to the US legally, but they then hang around on expired visas, some for as long as 10 to 15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; if you are 2 days late with a video, those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
9. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
8. Some people are like Slinkies .. not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
6. Whenever I start feeling blue, I start breathing again.
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents.
3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
And the # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Most "terrorists" are reported to have come to the US legally, but they then hang around on expired visas, some for as long as 10 to 15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; if you are 2 days late with a video, those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
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Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Raising teenagers is like nailing jell-o to a tree.
All conversations with a potato should be concocted in private.
You've never been as sick as just before you stop breathing.
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
The hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.
If you think you're getting too much government these days, just be happy that you're not getting all you are paying for.
If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one.
Shotgun wedding = A case of wife or death.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first.
There are three ways to get something done, do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.
Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now cost $10 just to repair.
The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.
Murphy's law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see.
Most accidents happen at home - maybe we oughta move.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
You don't have to worry about daylight savings time on Halloween. The holiday is always on "Green Witch Mean Time."
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and to let the air out of their tires.
Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground.
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Antibody = against everyone.
The major difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't make death any worse than it is.
Does the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
The gene pool needs chlorine.0 -
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned tht most people die
of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are 2 kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFO's like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
And, the #1 thought for the day: You read about all these terrorists ---
most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now compare that to
Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all
over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.............
NRA ENdowment, CRPA Life, Past President NRA Members Council
Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem. Semper Fidelis
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