Points to ponder
Strange, funny and true?
POINTS TO PONDER
I am only sending this to those who I believe have the mental capacity to comprehend the meaning of these statements.
It requires really deep thinking to grasp these most important facts.
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes but you are too tired, make him a sandwich.
Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
POINTS TO PONDER
I am only sending this to those who I believe have the mental capacity to comprehend the meaning of these statements.
It requires really deep thinking to grasp these most important facts.
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes but you are too tired, make him a sandwich.
Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
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got this one in an email, thought i would share
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008
Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 Men have two emotions:Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut save you $30.00?
Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2008: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-Cow-Disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America. But we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today,might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow ".0 -
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."
----Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
----Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
----Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
G Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
----Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
----Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes I just watch the government
and report the facts.
-Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now,
wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-P.J . O'Rourke0 -
While doing a clinical observation in a pediatric office i copied this poem that was on the wall.
i thought i would share with yall, perhaps we all need to look back on childhood from time to time
Know ye what it is to be a child?
It is to believe in love,
It is to believe in loviliness,
It is to believe in belief.
It is to be so little that the elves can reach to whisper in your ear.
It is to turn pumpkins into coaches,
And nothing into everything.
For each child has its fairy godmother in its soul.
FRANCIS THOMPSON0 -
This might have been posted before; if so it bears reposting.
Did you ever wonder.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
How about the first guy to try a chicken egg? Do you consider
him brave? How many tries before he cooked it?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're Both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Come on say it!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear
him, is he still wrong? (of course!) (WBR)
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a
billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there
is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?
If it's a 50 mph wind, and you drive your car 50 mph downwind,
and if you stick your head out the window, do you feel the wind?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have
the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
(I'll bet you sang those two songs above just to see if the tune was the same!)
End forwarded message
PaBooger was here!0 -
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some of these might be old but... here goes.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.0 -
Bet her mamma was real proud.....[;)] 0 -
LMAO! My dear wife said peanut. 0 -
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what an idiot...she must be thinking of running for politics[:o)]...ha ha ha ha 0
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