Funny!
Seems like everybody I run into today have nothing good to say about obama.[:D]
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A hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen buddy, The window won't open... and that's a maintenance matter!"0 -
Just got this in an email from my cousin!
The joys of having Girls...
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My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors
was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
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Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months .... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks
are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.
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When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, Then began giggling.
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Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
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My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. 'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!'
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Pass this on to your girlfriends who need a good laugh
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Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly...and for heavens sake, use the good napkins whenever you can.
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The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed
good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged
$1,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills,
gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too
expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and
they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in
South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are
certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
[:D][:D][:D]
Ben0 -
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I don't care what party you support, this is funny! SFW
http://blip.tv/scripts/flash/showplayer.swf?enablejs=true&feedurl=http://theblimp.blip.tv/rss&file=http://blip.tv/rss/flash/525805&showplayerpath=http://blip.tv/scripts/flash/showplayer.swf0
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