American Legion Parting Shots (Humor) January 2008
There's no time like the present. But a couple of minutes ago bore a striking similarity.
TWO BROTHERS were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally, one boy said, "What do you think about all that devil stuff we learned today?"
The other replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. The devil's probably just Dad in disguise, too."
AN ELDERLY COUPLE sat in their porch rockers watching a beautiful sunset and reminiscing about the good old days. Suddenly, she turned to him and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and how you would just casually reach over and take my hand?"
The man looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
With a wry little smile, his wife spoke again.
"Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and surprise me with a kiss on the cheek?"
The man slowly leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, his wife said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"
The man rose from his rocker and headed into the house. Confused, the woman asked, "Where are you going?"
"To get my teeth!" he yelled.
AN OLDER WOMAN knocked on the door of her daughter's house, and her grandson answered the door. "Hi, Grandma!" the boy said. "Daddy saw you coming and said you're all he needs!"
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Tire shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."
Church: "Salvation guaranteed, or your sins cheerfully refunded."
Auto-body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
Butcher's window: "The best of the wurst."
Pizza shop: "We knead the dough."
Septic-tank truck: "Yesterday's meals on wheels."
Hotel: "We need inn-experienced people."
Taxidermist's window: "We know our stuff."
Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
TWO BROTHERS were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally, one boy said, "What do you think about all that devil stuff we learned today?"
The other replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. The devil's probably just Dad in disguise, too."
AN ELDERLY COUPLE sat in their porch rockers watching a beautiful sunset and reminiscing about the good old days. Suddenly, she turned to him and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and how you would just casually reach over and take my hand?"
The man looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
With a wry little smile, his wife spoke again.
"Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and surprise me with a kiss on the cheek?"
The man slowly leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, his wife said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"
The man rose from his rocker and headed into the house. Confused, the woman asked, "Where are you going?"
"To get my teeth!" he yelled.
AN OLDER WOMAN knocked on the door of her daughter's house, and her grandson answered the door. "Hi, Grandma!" the boy said. "Daddy saw you coming and said you're all he needs!"
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Tire shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."
Church: "Salvation guaranteed, or your sins cheerfully refunded."
Auto-body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
Butcher's window: "The best of the wurst."
Pizza shop: "We knead the dough."
Septic-tank truck: "Yesterday's meals on wheels."
Hotel: "We need inn-experienced people."
Taxidermist's window: "We know our stuff."
Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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I had to read the second-to-last one 3 times before I got it. [:D] 0
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