assorted laws of life
sorry if it has been posted before but they are good.
& Law of Economics
The amount needed for the present unexpected emergency is always in direct proportion to the amount you had saved for a vacation.
& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
& Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportionate to the stupidity of your behavior.
& Law of the Telephone
If you punch in a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in and left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
& Law of the Result
When you demonstrate to someone how a machine won't work, it will.
& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportionate to the reach.
& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
& Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
& Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
2.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.
6.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid
enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7.
The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those
who got there first
8.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people
who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
& Law of Economics
The amount needed for the present unexpected emergency is always in direct proportion to the amount you had saved for a vacation.
& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
& Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportionate to the stupidity of your behavior.
& Law of the Telephone
If you punch in a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in and left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
& Law of the Result
When you demonstrate to someone how a machine won't work, it will.
& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportionate to the reach.
& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
& Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
& Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
2.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.
6.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid
enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7.
The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those
who got there first
8.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people
who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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How true is that? 0 -
some good ones there, and some true ones as well!! 0 -
The Law of Probability..
That one makes me laugh...at myself.
Quite a few years back, I was heavily into bicycling.
I kept my bikes in the garage and got tired of having to open the garage overhead door, wheel the bike out into the alley, close the door and then walk around and pick up the bike. Taking the bike through the walk-through door, then the gate into the alley was a little more cumbersome.
So one day, I decided that I was going to track-stand the bike (position myself on the pedals, fully-braked and balancing) next to the door opener switch, hit the switch and ride under the descending door.
You can see where this is going.
I hit my head on the bottom of the overhead door, grabbed the brakes, fell over and srcabbled back into the garage just in time to avoid getting squished by the door.
When I got the door open and the bike wheeled out, there stood my neighbor and his wife, arms folded, heads cocked quizzically to one side...not saying a word.
Whaddaya do?
I just smiled, waved and pedalled off.
Bless their hearts, they never mentioned it.0
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