Fess Up who did this???
This has to someone from GunBroker...[:D]
FUNNY... (only a man would do this)
(Gals - read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out of your eyes)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife.
I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the Wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.
All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two little bitty, itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...
I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst" , when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. (How did they up get there???)
My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
FUNNY... (only a man would do this)
(Gals - read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out of your eyes)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife.
I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the Wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.
All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two little bitty, itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...
I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst" , when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. (How did they up get there???)
My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
0
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Not I . I have been sober. 0 -
[:D][:D][:D][:D]Now that was funny 0 -
several years ago i bought one for my mother. Before i gave it to her i wanted to make sure it worked. it was only a 25,000 volt model
i was messing with it and not on purpose zapped myself. although youngsparkey's story was 100,000 volts, the 25,000 volt stun gun came very close to being a clone to his story. if you buy one be extra careful not to play stupid like me. it does hurt very much. it also will give you a metalic taste in your mouth that lasts some time.0 -
Sweet!!! 0 -
me and the wife was in a farm supply store looking at stuff for our horses we went down an isle and on the BOTTOM shelf i saw about 20 cattle prods, i never give it a thought that they may be live because there where kids toys, and clothes all over the store, anyway i picked one up, and put it to my wife's thigh to get a reaction, she had no ideal what it was so i got no reaction, at the moment i told her what it was i hit the trigger IT WAS LIVE WITH A GOOD CHARGE ON IT her leg kicked out from under her she yells mother#$%@, i felt so bad but at the same time it was so damn funny to see her leg go flying out 0 -
This has got to be the funniest post I have read in a long time. I still have tears in my eyes. [:D][:D][:D] 0 -
I've seen this one before; but, it still makes me laugh. Now, 1911a1fan, yours actually made me LOL. I can only imagine what the ride home was like. It would be a while before my wife would forgive me for a stunt like that. Even then, it would probably involve dinner out, flowers and a small box containing something expensive and sparkly. 0 -
And for everyone that zaps themselves with a stun gun to "see what it feels like"- did you know if you wait for the temperature to get to zero, and lick a metal flagpole, it takes just like chocolate? No, really. Give that a try as well![:p] 0 -
My brother, a police officer in Arizona, volunteered to get tazed as part of his department's orientation to the devices, back when they weren't yet normal issue in most places.
Tim's a pretty big guy and figured he'd demonstrate the ineffectiveness of the device when used on someone of good size who's braced for it. He also has an occasional gift for understatement and dry humor -- as when, later, he told me, "If you're gonna get tazed -- especially in front of people who know you -- use the bathroom first. I sort of needed to do one and two, both, before they tazed me. Didn't need to afterward."
As his older brother, I can only say, I wish I'd been there. With a video camera. Moments like that just don't happen very often.0 -
quote:Originally posted by 1911a1fan
me and the wife was in a farm supply store looking at stuff for our horses we went down an isle and on the BOTTOM shelf i saw about 20 cattle prods, i never give it a thought that they may be live because there where kids toys, and clothes all over the store, anyway i picked one up, and put it to my wife's thigh to get a reaction, she had no ideal what it was so i got no reaction, at the moment i told her what it was i hit the trigger IT WAS LIVE WITH A GOOD CHARGE ON IT her leg kicked out from under her she yells mother#$%@, i felt so bad but at the same time it was so damn funny to see her leg go flying out
I cried I laughed so hard.
Man, I'd be scared to fall asleep next to her for a long time, you know what payback is like!
DSM0 -
Thanks I really needed the laugh!!!!!!![:D] 0 -
My wife would have killed me right there!![:D]
I did have a friend that bought a stun gun and had it in a nylon pouch beside him in the car one night. I was driving on our way to dinner- he was in the front seat and the ladies were in the back. We pulled up to a stop light and he turned to say something to his wife and hit the button on the stun gun and it went off! They nylon was no protection and he was wearing shorts. It was all we could do to keep from laughing at him all night. He flopped like a fish and all we heard was the sound of that stun gun crackling!
Mike0 -
Hold my beer......Watch this..... 0 -
I never zapped myself with a stun gun, but I did test Sam's training collar on myself before I ever used it on him. 0 -
I'd bet it was one of the mods... 0 -
i read it the other day in a different forum, and after reading it here again i`m still cackling like a rooster in spring[:D][:D]my wife is going to love this when she reads it [:D] 0 -
This has got to be one of the most well written funnies I've read in a long time. Makes me want to try it 
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I use too sell them. I was at a small gun show showing someone how qukly they could be put into action. I reaced around to hook it on my belt forgetting there was a rolled up catalog in my hip pocket.
Kazap right into my right cheek and I don't mean the one ont the face. Of course the clip caught on mt belt an locked into a firing position and only when I jerked around and finally got the button clear of the catalog did it stop.0 -
I have been zapped with a 100,000 volt taser, unexpectingly in the back of the thigh, with jeans on, and it only hurt for a minute. I didn't find it to be that bad. Now being zapped between your index and middle finger is another story..... 0 -
I'm still laughing,,,, I got one.......... I attended a local auction where they sell just everything and anything. One of the novelties that evening was some 'trick' ink pens that delivered a pretty good jolt when you press the button to get the point out. Powered by a little NiCad battery. Its surprising what something no bigger than a shirt button can do. I bought one of the pens and brought it home and placed it on the desk at my wifes computer. Her computer and my computer are in different rooms. (My typing annoys her) It wasn't until the next morning I was in here on my computer and she was in there on hers. I heard her ask,,"Where did this pen come from??" About that time she yelped like a dog hit by a car. I heard footsteps coming in my direction and took a defensive position while laughing hysterically. I was hit, kicked, and repeatedly cussed at. quote:Originally posted by youngsparkey
This has to someone from GunBroker...[:D]
FUNNY... (only a man would do this)
(Gals - read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out of your eyes)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife.
I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the Wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.
All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two little bitty, itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...
I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst" , when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. (How did they up get there???)
My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.0 -
mmmmm kinky! 0 -
I was washing off my dogs no bark collar once and forgot to make sure it was off.
THAT was interesting![:0]0 -
Did you eat paint chips as a kid? 0
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