George Carlin says....
Carlin's New Rules For 2008
New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com!
There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25
or 30 years. It's because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days.He's mowing my lawn.
New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chg Chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain.....caviar?
New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little meanies.
New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle
of this crap at the supermarket. Water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, that
doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the e crack of your ass, and it translates to "chicken with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual.....you're just high.
New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes, graduations and getting out of rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving. It's the white people's version of looting.
New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays
better than minimum wage, then for God' s sake, don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com!
There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25
or 30 years. It's because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days.He's mowing my lawn.
New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chg Chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain.....caviar?
New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little meanies.
New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle
of this crap at the supermarket. Water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, that
doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the e crack of your ass, and it translates to "chicken with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual.....you're just high.
New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes, graduations and getting out of rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving. It's the white people's version of looting.
New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays
better than minimum wage, then for God' s sake, don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
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quote:Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little meanies.[:D][:D][:D]0 -
quote:If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God' s sake, don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
Dude, like that is so harsh man.0 -
Turns out these were really Bill Maher's new rules for 2005 and have been recycled and attributed to George Carlin. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
Turns out these were really Bill Maher's new rules for 2005 and have been recycled and attributed to George Carlin.
zoiks. Uh do I need a lawyer?0 -
and i agree with everything written there! 100%i was at work one day, and i worked with a man who had chinese writing as hit tattoos...these were remarked on every single day we worked together...one day a visiting chinese vip stopped to talk to us and he started laughing[:)]i asked him what was so funny?..he said the tattoo[;)]yep! ...i cant write what it said here. it would get poofed..but needless to say the tattoo was covered up with another one whithin a week[:D][:D][:D] 0 -
Dude, a lawyer is the last thing you need![:0] I just think it is funny that the musings of Maher get attributed to Carlin. I guess these days every thing scarcastic gets attributed to Carlin. Actually they are pretty good. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by tacking1
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
Turns out these were really Bill Maher's new rules for 2005 and have been recycled and attributed to George Carlin.
zoiks. Uh do I need a lawyer?
Does anyone REALLY NEED a Lawyer? Don0 -
George Carlin, and Andy Rooney, have filled up more than half of the inboxes in the entire world.
None of it is true,........please learn this!0 -
quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
George Carlin, and Andy Rooney, have filled up more than half of the inboxes in the entire world.
None of it is true,........please learn this!
You have caught me on my most busy don't give a damn day. Please try again later. Don0 -
Met him once. About 1972 when I worked at a TV station. He was driving the coolest Trans AM I ever saw. Liked him then, now I find his liberal BS too much to take. Hates gun owners. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by dcon12
quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
George Carlin, and Andy Rooney, have filled up more than half of the inboxes in the entire world.
None of it is true,........please learn this!
You have caught me on my most busy don't give a damn day. Please try again later. Don
Above is the third place winner.0 -
Every time I see something by George Carlin or Andy Rooney It turns out they didn't say it. I don't believe George Carlin or Andy Rooney ever said anything. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
Every time I see something by George Carlin or Andy Rooney It turns out they didn't say it. I don't believe George Carlin or Andy Rooney ever said anything.
See James,......told ya you were an official "geek"!0 -
I am not really sure there IS a George Carlin. Flew with Bill Maher once, so I know he is real and a nice enough guy. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
I am not really sure there IS a George Carlin. Flew with Bill Maher once, so I know he is real and a nice enough guy.
He comes across as an arrogant little poop on TV. I guess most people are more likeable on a personal level.0 -
quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
I guess most people are more likeable on a personal level.
For some reason I have been told that also. Don0
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