Women: Do you prefer single or divorced men?
Another thread brought me to an interesting point... Suburbannoize stated that he found a new career that would involve a lot of travel and long hours, and he said he was up for the task. I commented that it was great that he found a new career, and wanted to offer a bit of advice.
Part of my advice had to do with preparing for your life down the road.
I spent a decent portion of my adult life on the road for my company. It wasn't as if I was traveling somewhere exciting, most of the places I was sent were to Small Town America (nothing wrong with it, just not exciting). Because I was so busy and on the road so much, I lost track of friends and had no time to develop relationships.
I also thought living out of a suitcase got very old very fast.
When travel became less and less frequent, I was able to start dating. The problem was that I was in my 30s. I'd go out on some dates, and invariably the questions would start about previous relationships, including previous marriages.
What I discovered was that many women arrived at the conclusion that if you were in your 30s and divorced, that you were considered a good catch. However, if you were in your 30s and had not yet been married, there's something obviously wrong with you and that sends up a ton of red flags.
It wasn't as if I was living in my parents' basement or that I was flat broke. In fact, because of travel, I had quite the savings packed away, I was a homeowner, and I could afford nice things.
I remember talking to other people, and they agreed that by the time you're 30, you should be in your first marriage already or you should be looking for your second.
Thankfully, I found the love of my life who didn't mind that I had never been married before, and we're happy. We've been married for five and a half years. So, it isn't as if I'm looking for advice here.
This is more of a curiosity thing... why is it that a 30-something single guy is not a good catch, but a 30-something divorced guy is?
Part of my advice had to do with preparing for your life down the road.
I spent a decent portion of my adult life on the road for my company. It wasn't as if I was traveling somewhere exciting, most of the places I was sent were to Small Town America (nothing wrong with it, just not exciting). Because I was so busy and on the road so much, I lost track of friends and had no time to develop relationships.
I also thought living out of a suitcase got very old very fast.
When travel became less and less frequent, I was able to start dating. The problem was that I was in my 30s. I'd go out on some dates, and invariably the questions would start about previous relationships, including previous marriages.
What I discovered was that many women arrived at the conclusion that if you were in your 30s and divorced, that you were considered a good catch. However, if you were in your 30s and had not yet been married, there's something obviously wrong with you and that sends up a ton of red flags.
It wasn't as if I was living in my parents' basement or that I was flat broke. In fact, because of travel, I had quite the savings packed away, I was a homeowner, and I could afford nice things.
I remember talking to other people, and they agreed that by the time you're 30, you should be in your first marriage already or you should be looking for your second.
Thankfully, I found the love of my life who didn't mind that I had never been married before, and we're happy. We've been married for five and a half years. So, it isn't as if I'm looking for advice here.
This is more of a curiosity thing... why is it that a 30-something single guy is not a good catch, but a 30-something divorced guy is?
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The more divorces the better the catch?
Counter intuitive isn't it. I think there are three possible stigmas that attach Spanielsells, one is is Mamma's boy, the second is the looser living in parents basement, you alluded to, and the third is gay.
Personally, I know you are not a mamma's boy or a looser, but you certainly do dance lightly on your feet.0 -
I'm 28. I fully anticipate being at LEAST 30 by the time I get married. I've never been married because I've never met the right girl- and the right girl will understand that. I don't it would stop me if SHE has been married before or not, but I don't think I'd be willing to marry a woman who already has kids... just my personal feelings. And that said, I'd RATHER she not have been married, because I would think that one divorce would make a second more likely. Heck, given my druthers I'd rather she not even have been with another guy in the sack- but again, that wouldn't stop me. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by jonk
I'm 28. I fully anticipate being at LEAST 30 by the time I get married. I've never been married because I've never met the right girl- and the right girl will understand that. I don't it would stop me if SHE has been married before or not, but I don't think I'd be willing to marry a woman who already has kids... just my personal feelings. And that said, I'd RATHER she not have been married, because I would think that one divorce would make a second more likely. Heck, given my druthers I'd rather she not even have been with another guy in the sack- but again, that wouldn't stop me.
I think you'll learn that's not always the case. There are a multitude of reasons as to why women get divorced, and it isn't always because they're bored or didn't take their vows seriously.
In the instance of my wife, her ex didn't take his vows seriously and he was a master at keeping them in the poorhouse.0 -
quote:Originally posted by jonk
I'm 28. I fully anticipate being at LEAST 30 by the time I get married. I've never been married because I've never met the right girl- and the right girl will understand that. I don't it would stop me if SHE has been married before or not, but I don't think I'd be willing to marry a woman who already has kids... just my personal feelings. And that said, I'd RATHER she not have been married, because I would think that one divorce would make a second more likely. Heck, given my druthers I'd rather she not even have been with another guy in the sack- but again, that wouldn't stop me.
Does anyone know what the % is for female virgins over 25 in the U.S.?0 -
I wouldn't care. I like older men, but hang out with younger ones. I guess I want an older man that doesn't act his age. In other words, I want a man that's stable, financially and mentally. He must be able to keep up with me. I'm very active in sports and outdoors. I live in the water in the summer, so he must be a swimmer.
He's got to be very funny, but don't get me wrong he's got to be good looking and have a great azz. Short hair, no hippies.
He can't be the jealous type, had my share of those. I must be able to accept that even though I have very male oriented hobbies and act very boyish at time. I'm still very much a girly girl.0 -
I have a buddy, his name is josh. He just met this girl maybe a month ago, she says she is italian, i say shes puerto rican, doesnt matter, just that i think shes lying. She is pregnant with twins. She has no job, neither does josh, josh has a problem, he cant stop smokin the herbal, so in turn, he cant keep a job. He asked this girl to marry him, he has only known her for a month, he doesnt answer his phone anymore, he wont even talk to me, because of this girl, which is fine with me, because i can longer indulge in the same things he likes to do. Inevitably, if they get married, there will be a divorce, its almost certain. Now, how that makes him a better catch when hes 30, is beyond me. 0 -
However, statistics indicate that first marriages are the most stable, and the percentage of divorces goes up rapidly on subsequent marraiges. 0 -
I cannot give an answer to this subject.I have been married for 40 years this comming sept. 14 Got married when I was 21 and my wife was 14.How if that for longativity???<1FMJ> 0 -
spaniel, you're on the right track
I think the reason that women expect a guy in their 30s to be divorced is the same reason women expect a guy in his 20s to have had at least one serious girlfriend. If he hasn't, its a break from "normal" at that sends up the red flags.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Cutiegirlracing
I wouldn't care. I like older men, but hang out with younger ones. I guess I want an older man that doesn't act his age. In other words, I want a man that's stable, financially and mentally. He must be able to keep up with me. I'm very active in sports and outdoors. I live in the water in the summer, so he must be a swimmer.
He's got to be very funny, but don't get me wrong he's got to be good looking and have a great azz. Short hair, no hippies.
He can't be the jealous type, had my share of those. I must be able to accept that even though I have very male oriented hobbies and act very boyish at time. I'm still very much a girly girl.
I'd just like to add that I'm a very immature 28 year old that has to spend plenty of time outdoors, could easily live on a boat, has short hair, showers regularly, and is financially independant. I like to buy flowers for the women in my life, and I would do all of the jewelry shopping at Tiffany's.
Enclosed is a picture of my butt.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v159/benjaminnewton/236201001_791940988_0.jpg
Have a good day.
Ben0 -
I won't be opening the link, sweetie-pie.
Doug0 -
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
I won't be opening the link, sweetie-pie.
Doug
Good idea. You've made it this far in life being a confident heterosexual. Just stay the course![;)]
Ben0 -
quote:Originally posted by fishermanben
quote:Originally posted by Cutiegirlracing
I wouldn't care. I like older men, but hang out with younger ones. I guess I want an older man that doesn't act his age. In other words, I want a man that's stable, financially and mentally. He must be able to keep up with me. I'm very active in sports and outdoors. I live in the water in the summer, so he must be a swimmer.
He's got to be very funny, but don't get me wrong he's got to be good looking and have a great azz. Short hair, no hippies.
He can't be the jealous type, had my share of those. I must be able to accept that even though I have very male oriented hobbies and act very boyish at time. I'm still very much a girly girl.
I'd just like to add that I'm a very immature 28 year old that has to spend plenty of time outdoors, could easily live on a boat, has short hair, showers regularly, and is financially independant. I like to buy flowers for the women in my life, and I would do all of the jewelry shopping at Tiffany's.
Enclosed is a picture of my butt.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v159/benjaminnewton/236201001_791940988_0.jpg
Have a good day.
Ben
While this is a hilarious post, I'm quite terrified to click on the link.0 -
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
While this is a hilarious post, I'm quite terrified to click on the link.
Go ahead, it's just a picture of a Jackass...0 -
quote:Originally posted by mateomasfeo
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
While this is a hilarious post, I'm quite terrified to click on the link.
Go ahead, it's just a picture of a Jackass...
I don't believe you and I won't be suckered into clicking on the link. [:D]0 -
I'm 40 and have never been married. Funny how the years go by.
I've had the same lady friend since 2001, but just can't seem to take
that final step. I suppose the truth is that I'm just scared.
Though the idea of having sex again at some point in my life time is a
motivating factor to at least consider marriage.0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
However, statistics indicate that first marriages are the most stable, and the percentage of divorces goes up rapidly on subsequent marraiges.
Well, leave it to me to buck the odds again!
By the way, ben...
...Nice can.
And that's something I haven't said to another man since my Navy days0 -
I was single throughout my thirties, and I had never been married.
That was no impediment to my social life, I had plenty of dating action in that decade with some classy girls.
The only problem I had in my thirties was that the girls wanted to GET married, to me.
I had four girlfriends in that time who wanted to get married. When I told them I was not the guy for that, we would break up within six months, and then within a year each one of them had gotten married to their new boyfriends.
That's life.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Colonel Plink
By the way, ben...
...Nice can.
And that's something I haven't said to another man since my Navy days
Thanks, buddy.[:o)]
Ben0 -
any of you OLD guys who think cinderella has been waiting in virginal innocence on the tower gazing over the horizon while waiting eleventyseven years for prince slowmo to come along need a reality check.......eboy & jonk had the impossible dream---thought all women were peaches & cream--- they should take a little advice---most are naughty and very few are nice... 0 -
quote:Originally posted by spasmcreek
any of you OLD guys who think cinderella has been waiting in virginal innocence on the tower gazing over the horizon while waiting eleventyseven years for prince slowmo to come along need a reality check.......eboy & jonk had the impossible dream---thought all women were peaches & cream--- they should take a little advice---most are naughty and very few are nice...
I like mine naughty AND nice![}:)]0 -
I think the stats are 50% chance of failure for marriage the 1st time, 70% for the 2nd, and like 90% for the 3rd.
At least it was when I got my 1st divorce some 14 years ago.0 -
Some stats:
First marriage 45-50% end in divorce
Second marriage 60-67% end in divorce
Third marriage 70-73% end in divorce
Average marriage lasts only 7 years
Sounds to me that you want to find someone that has never been married for the best chance of staying together.0 -
At my age, it would be difficult to impossible to find a man who isn't divorced. If one does happen to find one that is still single (as in "never married"), at this age, there is probably a good reason....
Ask me how I know....[;)]0 -
Not as bad as I had thought, but still a big risk to gamble 1/2 of everything you've got. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Smokeeater 38
Some stats:
First marriage 45-50% end in divorce
Second marriage 60-67% end in divorce
Third marriage 70-73% end in divorce
Average marriage lasts only 7 years
Sounds to me that you want to find someone that has never been married for the best chance of staying together.
I wonder if those stats reflect if both of the parties were divorced.
'Cuz I'm really buckin' the odds on this third marriage.0 -
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Got married for all the wrong reasons the first time.[V]
Round two - 15 years married to an "angel".
Who cares of his/her past...... If YOU are the present and future!
Screw the odds!
Or maybe I got lucky!
Nobody's perfect.[;)][}:)][;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Smokeeater 38
Average marriage lasts only 7 years
"The Seven year Itch" [:D]
Thats the problem with people today, afraid to work on it and its to easy to get divorced.0 -
I am always amused at the couples who meet, have an affair, leave their spouses and get married. We already know they cheat, why do they imagine it will be different now? 0
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