Speeding
Ralph was driving home late one afternoon in his brand new Z28, and, of course, driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights flashing in his rear view mirror. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy!" so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 120, Ralph figures, "What the hell..." and gives up. He pulls over to the shoulder.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen Mister, I've had a really lousy day, and you've just made it a lot worse. Why the hell were you speeding and I don't want to hear any cow cookies excuses!"
Ralph sheepishly smiles as he says: "Well, officer, I pulled right over as soon as I saw that you were alone."
"What the hell does that mean?" asks the policeman.
"Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your flashing lights in my rear view mirror, I thought for sure that you were trying to give her back to me!"
Finally, as his speedometer passes 120, Ralph figures, "What the hell..." and gives up. He pulls over to the shoulder.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen Mister, I've had a really lousy day, and you've just made it a lot worse. Why the hell were you speeding and I don't want to hear any cow cookies excuses!"
Ralph sheepishly smiles as he says: "Well, officer, I pulled right over as soon as I saw that you were alone."
"What the hell does that mean?" asks the policeman.
"Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your flashing lights in my rear view mirror, I thought for sure that you were trying to give her back to me!"
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up
the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags
in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs
away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes
5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have
Stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of
your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but
an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a
clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite
puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers
told me you didn't have a license, that you stole
this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.0 -
An elderly couple was driving cross-country, the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU."
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A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer: May i see your licence?
Lady: what does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'0 -
[:D] 0 -
Dang, motorcycles don't have trunks, I don't think it will work for me. 0
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