The Softline
For 5 years I have towed the softline... compromise, giving in, letting someone else dictate terms. I gave away what I knew was my right, I swallowed my pride, I sacrificed for the "greater good". I fell in line, did what I was told, waited for my just desserts... which never came. I overlooked what I knew was wrong, I maintained the peace, hoped for the best, assumed that I was just "overreacting", believed that I was being too hard, too harsh, too overprotective of what I thought was mine. I was told to trust, have faith, don't question... I was reassured that everything was fine, it wasn't a big deal, that nobody else had a problem with it... except me.
And then two weeks ago she left, while I was at work. I came home to a half-empty house and a letter. Every instinct I had felt was exactly right. There was someone else, I wasn't being too hard or harsh, and I wasn't overreacting. She had been telling me the big lies, decieving me the whole time... betraying me. This is the truth. This is what happened to me two weeks ago.
Some may say we follow the hardline. In my mind there is no other path than the hardline. The softline is a path of compromise, and in the end it only leaves you COMPROMISED.
My wife has betrayed me. Where did the softline lead me? To a cold bed and a lawyer's bill. My political party betrayed me. What choice did compromise leave me? A Marxist, a Racist, and a Lunatic.
I will never again stray from the hardline. I believe what I believe. I know it is right. Anything less is unacceptable. Give me Liberty or give me Death.
And then two weeks ago she left, while I was at work. I came home to a half-empty house and a letter. Every instinct I had felt was exactly right. There was someone else, I wasn't being too hard or harsh, and I wasn't overreacting. She had been telling me the big lies, decieving me the whole time... betraying me. This is the truth. This is what happened to me two weeks ago.
Some may say we follow the hardline. In my mind there is no other path than the hardline. The softline is a path of compromise, and in the end it only leaves you COMPROMISED.
My wife has betrayed me. Where did the softline lead me? To a cold bed and a lawyer's bill. My political party betrayed me. What choice did compromise leave me? A Marxist, a Racist, and a Lunatic.
I will never again stray from the hardline. I believe what I believe. I know it is right. Anything less is unacceptable. Give me Liberty or give me Death.
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Man...
I'm sorry you had to experience that, too. I know this feeling the same way you do, and you are right.
After some time passes, this matter stings a little less, until you go numb from it. The best way to resolve this feeling is NOT to find another to fill the void. When the time is right, it will fill itself.
FWIW, if you ever do take the plunge, later, and decide to remarry, and this happens, you also find that you don't really care. Freedom is the better option, anyway. (I remarried, and some times I kick myself in the ass for it, not because the wife is bad, but because I sacked freedom, again, and that was stupid).0 -
Sorry to hear that WW. Betrayal is a tough pill to swallow. I have no good advice for you. My experience led me down the path of extreme hatred and discontent directed toward her.
BTW, I don't recommend this reaction. I was so racked with hatred for what I "perceived" she had done to our daughter, taking away her chance at a "normal" life, I went from 170# down to 130#. I was asked if I had cancer by some. All because she was following the advice of her "therapist". I still carry alot of hate for psycholo-idiots.0 -
Sorry, friend WW....I am sorry for you.
I have walked alone now for 12 years..and I walk a hardline.
Takes only a date or two to end any relationship...because I refuse to compromise any more.
Get your head up, friend...the hurting will gradually ease, and the healing will begin. No shuffling feet, no slouched physique ..get your shoulders back and walk as a man.
Leave the drink alone ..I came near disaster with the last ex-wife.who I loved more then life itself.
I just could not run and play, as she wanted.renouncing my stand on issues like the government and the Second Amendment. I felt that doing so would make me like the rest of the cowards out there ..and destroy what I was.
You have not posted for awhile.and my thoughts were with you, wondering. Thanks for trusting us with this hurtful, hateful news..we band of brothers are very small.and any hurt is to us all.0 -
WoundedWolf,
Sorry to hear about your situation. My first wife left me for another in much the same manner.
Hard times call for hard men. Don't let the bitterness and anger you feel push you into anything that may compromise your ethics.
A hardline outlook and hardline actions in life are a good thing IMO. It doesn't make a man "heartless", but does provide a no B.S. assessment of life and what is encountered while living it.
Time will heal the hurt.
Walk your own path until you are over it. If you decide to trust again, choose wisely and keep your "hardline".
My current wife doesn't particularly like my hardline, but she understands and accepts it. I chose long ago to adopt it and I aim to keep it.
Good luck and hang in there, it'll get better.0 -
My first wife left under similar circumstances. At the time it was miserable. There is no way around that. Time heals if you let it though. The worst thing about a divorce is it is like someone died and then the worst parts of them stick around to haunt you. 0 -
WW,
Sorry to hear it friend. I am divorced (and remarried) myself.
Court proceedings suck. Be prepared to see her at her worst. Be prepared for her greed and selfishness to rear it's head.
The hardline stance is best IMO. If she couldn't deal with it, she never really loved you for you anyway. We either accept and understand all things about our spouses, or we don't.
She didn't appreciate you for all you are, and it is her loss. Her greener grass will eventually turn out to be a patch of weeds. She will see.0 -
WW I can relate 110%. I've never been married and never will be and I've been whipped like I have been.
My grandparents got married at a young age, were married over 65 years and died married.
In todays world people use each other for personal gain then when they're done they move on to who's next.
What a shame...[xx(]0 -
WWolf,.......you will survive, I have no doubts.
I have never been married due to reasons you now mention. I will not "change" for someone else,.....I will lead MY household, and will NOT be told how to do things to go with the "flow". I will NOT be disrespected by children in my own home, nor go along with the way that most females believe discipline should be.
On my fourth "engagement", and it will be quite some time before I finish the deal,........if ever![;)]0 -
Several of us, me included have been through exactly what you have just experienced. You will be as tough as 80 grain sand paper when the dust settles. Hear this friend, there is life after divorce. My situation was 12 years ago. I still deal with a bad ex-wife over child support of a 17 year old daughter (kid was 5 when we split). I believe I am tough as nails when it comes to compromise now. Stay the course and you will come out on top. 0 -
WoundedWolf: Hold Fast 0 -
Been there-did that. Living with another human being is one of the most difficult things to do in the best of circumstances. It is never easy. Many of us have been through this type of situation.
You will survive this. Remember that women are not an endangered species. If you are ever so inclined, there may be one out there that is actualy right for you. If not, go it alone and enjoy yourself. Hang in there.0 -
Thank you all for your kind words of support and advice. I have had the same thing told to me by other friends and family, that I will be MUCH better off in the long run.
It is difficult to realize that the past 5 years of my life have been built off of lies, deceit, and betrayal. But in many ways I feel like I have been released from a trance.
I look forward to reconnecting with all of you, and connecting with the newer members. It is nice to have my life back.
-WoundedWolf0 -
quote:Originally posted by WoundedWolf
Thank you all for your kind words of support and advice. I have had the same thing told to me by other friends and family, that I will be MUCH better off in the long run.
It is difficult to realize that the past 5 years of my life have been built off of lies, deceit, and betrayal. But in many ways I feel like I have been released from a trance.
I look forward to reconnecting with all of you, and connecting with the newer members. It is nice to have my life back.
-WoundedWolf
Thanks for the response, and keep in touch here!
Many here will support you if you need it,......we are "brothers in arms" so to speak.
Wishing you the best![;)]0
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