Friday Groaners -
What is the difference between the Bird Flu and the Swine Flu?
After the Bird Flu, you seek Tweetment. After the Swine Flu, you use Oinkment.
What did the Indian say, after his Dog jumped off the cliff?
Dog Gone.
How many Golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fore!
Thank you, Thank you very much. I will be here all week. Please tip your waitress/bartender.
After the Bird Flu, you seek Tweetment. After the Swine Flu, you use Oinkment.
What did the Indian say, after his Dog jumped off the cliff?
Dog Gone.
How many Golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fore!
Thank you, Thank you very much. I will be here all week. Please tip your waitress/bartender.
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Savage170....where are you???? 0 -
First man: "I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller."
Second man: "I thought they just hired a new teller last week."
First man: "Right, that's the one they're looking for."0 -
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What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Graaaaaaaains0 -
Why are all of your sheep purple?
I herded them through the grapevine.0 -
US Military Guy wrote:Why are all of your sheep purple?
I herded them through the grapevine.
That's just Baaa'dddd.
"Montana, where the Men are Men, and the Sheep are afraid."
Kind of like the sequel to Brokeback Mountain.............................................Reacharound Ridge. :shock:0 -
are these true??? 0 -
montanajoe wrote:are these true???
Oh yeah........................................................................ :roll: ..............We would not Sheeit you Brother.
You are our favorite turd.0 -
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.
He said, ?Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it?s completely gone now. My hair can?t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It?s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they?ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.?
?What I want you to do,? the man continued, ?is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family?s duty to keep this forest strong.?
So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
Hah..take that Ken!0 -
toad67 wrote:There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.
He said, ?Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it?s completely gone now. My hair can?t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It?s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they?ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.?
?What I want you to do,? the man continued, ?is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family?s duty to keep this forest strong.?
So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
Hah..take that Ken!
Sorry Brother, my hair is long gone. I shave what is left.
I don't miss it. I like the low maintenance.0 -
What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can?t hear a vitamin!0 -
What is the difference between a woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.....0 -
What is green and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?
A 4 door pickle! :shock:
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley! :shock:
These jokes were sponsored by AOC and her Green New Deal. (talk about a FUNNY joke!)0 -
Speaking of things like auto-correct and spell check, a little joke you folks may enjoy.
George checked out the message on his phone:
First text message: Hi, George, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.
The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently & I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me.
Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you. Regards, Richard
George, feeling enraged & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.
2nd TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, George, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out & noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Bloody Technology, It'll be the death of us all.0 -
Brookwood wrote:What is green and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?
A 4 door pickle! :shock:
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley! :shock:
These jokes were sponsored by AOC and her Green New Deal. (talk about a FUNNY joke!)
socialists tell dumb jokes because everybody has to get it0
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