Caregivers and JUJU

In 2010 i was diagnosed with stage 4 head and neck cancer with a less than a 10% chance of beating it.

Everyone in my family on both sides have died from cancer or arthritis. The youngest was 8 or 9. My moms sister died from brain cancer. When it came back the second time it was ferocious.

Please do not take anything i say the wrong way because i mean no harm. I have been a patient of cancer for about 1 year. it was 11 to 13 months. It just depends when my cancer started. When i found out or my first treatment. Either way it was a year long journey.

My Mom said i was not normal when i got cancer i never asked God why me or what i did to cause me to get sick. My thoughts were i was 45 and did everything i ever wanted to. I had 4 kids that were doing great and even 1 grandkid at the time. Honestly having cancer never scared or bothered me. It was what it was. No big deal.

After chemo/radiation/ and surgeries i was in bed for about 11 months. My wife set the alarm clock every 2 hours to give me medicine. Day and night. She would not let anybody that was not family in to see me. To see me they had to scrub like a doctor to get in.

During cancer i only cried a few times. The first time i cried Cameron my first and only grandbaby at the time asked me why i did not play with him anymore. He asked me if he did something to make me mad. My wife saw the tears and rushed him out. He was 4 or 5 at the time.

The only other thing that bothered me when i was sick was waking up in the middle of the night and having to go to the bathroom and my wife not being in bed with me. I would go find her and she would be in the living room crying. That happened a few times and hurt more than i can say. I have never made my wife cry and here i was hurting her daily.

I can honestly say for me having cancer was easier that what my wife went through as a caregiver.

My Dad died about 5 years ago. He got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and collapsed. The rescue squad took my Dad to the ER in the next town over.

When i got there i could tell things were not good but i had no idea how bad things were. The er room was trashed with all kinds of packages open on the floor. His underware was cut off on the floor also.

My best friends wife works in the er and she opened a doctors office and let my family stay in there to be private. My dad did not want anything done to prolong his life if he had no chance of making it.

My sister is 7 years older than i am. About 2 hours later the doctor came in aand told us my dad was having cpr done to keep him alive and what did he want us to do. I asked him if there was anything they could do to fix him and he said no.

I looked at Mom and my sister and told them to stop because my Dad was 100% against keeping himself alive by machines.

So to sum up my story/message being a caregiver is a lot harder than being the sick one. When the sick one passes it is over, while the caregiver has to live with it for the rest of their life.

As of now im starting to be a caregiver for my Mom. My sister is the main caregiver but i give her breaks when she wants or need them.

Prayers for all involved and going through this.