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Ultimate selfish act

BobJudy
A couple of months ago a young man I knew committed suicide. This was the son of my wifes closest friend. He had moved about 500 miles away from his parents and by all indications was doing well. Good job that he liked and co-workers that liked him a lot. Many friends and enjoyed fishing and coming back to Michigan for deer season every year. Intelligent, no illegal drug use or excessive alcohol use. No explanation, just ended his life. The effect on his parents, his siblings and his friends was devastating. Judy and I have been supportive but it is hard for me to understand why anyone would put their family and friends through this.

Yesterday we got the word that a member of the shooting club we belong to also committed suicide. The story goes he hung himself in his gun room and his wife found him. No health issues or other evident reasons. He was not a young man, he was 71.

I realize both of these people were greatly disturbed and or hurting in some way. My emotions have gone from shocked to sorrow and now am totally pissed off. These two people may have been extremely unhappy but right now I don't give a crap. The solution they used to fix their problem has now totally devastated two families who have to live with the consequences of their selfish acts. They didn't care about the results of their actions beyond their own selfish needs.

I'm sorry this has been long and rambling but I will never understand how anyone could do this to the people that care about them. I probably didn't explain my viewpoint as well as I could have but that happens when I am P.O.ed. Bob
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Comments

25 comments

Date Votes
  • wiplash
    God Damned Selfish Cowards.
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  • mrmike08075
    So Nord was a coward now???

    You might want to think on that some.

    Many who commit suicide are severely mentally ill and have not been diagnosed or treated effectively - alcohol and drugs accelerate the process...

    If I found out today that cancer was back and terminal I may choose the hospice care option this time which is physician assisted suicide - care to call me a coward or deny my right to choose after what I have been through???

    You might want to think on that some.

    How close are you to someone - how well do you know them - how clearly do you see into their hearts and minds and souls - can you weigh the burden they carry??? And not know suicide was a possibility or that they were greatly altered and suffering...

    You might want to think on that some.

    More here than meets the eye - much beneath the surface or beyond your perceptual event horizon.

    Mike
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  • spasmcreek
    no other can feel how much one is hurting mentally or physically.....wife's younger relative was a top notch farmer, everything was done a certain way and machinery was kept in like new condition, washed and waxed, almost obsessive compulsive....then he came down with scleroderma and his lungs started turning into leather....left his wife and high school daughter with detailed instructions what to do with the ground and continue without him ...real tough for a while
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  • yoshmyster
    Suicide at 71? Unless dude had stage 4 cancer or something of that equivalent all he did was save the reaper from coming a few years later. So what ever "legacy" dude had he'll be forever know for one act.
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  • babun
    It is amazing that some think it's all about them.
    How could you or anyone bitch about how bad it is for the ones he left behind.
    The ones feeling bad about how a loved ones death affects them, are the ones committing the ultimate selfish act.

    Any one that's commits suicide has a devil in his life, that we may never know about.

    Walk a mile in their shoes......


    Vince Gill:
    "I know your life
    On earth was troubled
    And only you could know the pain.
    You weren't afraid to face the devil,
    You were no stranger to the rain.
    Go rest high on that mountain
    Son, your work on earth is done.
    Go to heaven a-shoutin'
    Love for the Father and the Son.
    Oh, how we cried the day you left us
    We gathered round your grave to grieve.
    I wish I could see the angels faces
    When they hear your sweet voice sing.
    Go rest high on that mountain
    Son, your work on earth is done.
    Go to heaven a-shoutin'
    Love for the Father and the Son.""
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  • pulsarnc
    My younger brother committed suicide almost two years ago . Married , two successful step children , and was a successful small business owner . As can be imagined we were totally devastated by this . I worked as a mental health technician for 32 years . I saw and or worked with him almost daily and I never saw it coming . Not sure I if is selfish or what . All I know is the aftershock is death to the family?s involved . Ours has disintegrated bit by bit over time . Like a slow motion train wreck you see it coming but can?t stop it and have no idea how to fix it. That is the real tragedy . If you haven?t been there don?t presume to judge those walking the path
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  • gearheaddad
    I can't imagine the pain and the demons that must be racing through someones head and body, to decide Suicide is the answer.
    I truly hope they find their peace and rest, by their ultimate decision and their loved ones find a way to heal.
    I've buried far too many friends and relatives to make a judgement on ones decision to end it all.
    My Best friend shot himself in the head when we were 16, in 1975. After they had moved away from our little town.
    I think about Dick every day, and have since 8/13/75. Last year, I finally had the courage for the first time to go see and surprise his mother about 300 miles away at a poetry reading she was the guest speaker at. She has no life in her eyes. Saddest damn thing I've ever witnessed. I didn't sleep that night thinking about that poor woman. I can't imagine what the last 44 years have been like for her and Dicks Father........Her sadness is in her poetry, I have a very hard time reading it. I hope it's some sort of therapeutic outlet for her.
    Ed
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  • Sam06
    I have had several friends of mine kill themselves. All of them were in pain either emotionally or physically.

    It is not so much a selfish act but a very sad one IMO.
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  • Smitty500mag
    My best friend from my high school days killed himself in 1989. I was working in Muscle Shoals, AL at that time and was headed home to Knoxville one Friday evening and decided on the way I would go visit my friend in Nashville that night. I was driving east on Hwy 72 and was going to turn north onto Interstate 65 at Athens, AL and go to Nashville but when I got to the turnoff it was snowing so I decided to go on home instead of taking a chance and driving in the snow to Nashville.

    I found out the next day that Donnie, my best friend, had killed himself during the night. Had I not decided to go on home I might have been able to save him. That has haunted me all these years. If I had just turned onto I-65 that night and went to his house I think it would have made all the difference in the world. Something bad was bothering him and I know he wouldn't have done it had I been there. Damn, damn, damn!! :cry:
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  • bullshot
    I'm sure that someone that is hurting so bad as to want to end their own life is only trying to escape the agony of what ever their nightmare is.
    The impact of suicide has a long reach and effects many other lives forever BUT these people don't know what else to do to stop the pain.

    My nephew committed suicide five years ago and he was a mental health professional, did serious damage to all he left behind including his kids, one of which is now hooked on Heroin as a result of loosing his father early.

    As big a bag of crap that suicide is, we cannot begin to feel what is in their hearts and minds at that moment. Some may think that they are doing their loved ones a favor by removing themselves from their lives, some may feel that their suicide will financially benefit their loved ones and I'm sure some may just want the pain to stop.

    I just don't think it right to label all of them cowards and losers, think how many veterans kill themselves every year, are they really "cowards" and "losers" or are they lost and tortured souls that just don't know how to deal with their pain any other way?

    Sometimes people do the wrong thing for what they think is the right or noble reason. I find it very sad that these people feel that all hope is lost and death is the only answer.

    Just my humble opinion.
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  • Smitty500mag
    I wonder how many people that jump off of bridges or cliffs to end it all change their mind about halfway down? I'd say there's probably a pretty big percentage of them that do.
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  • BobJudy
    As I said in the original post there was no indication of physical or emotional problems leading up to their final acts. No explanation of why they were killing themselves. Judy volunteered at a hospice after retiring and some people with terminal disease are ready to die and others fight for every last breath. But those are physical problems and we all react to them differently. If someone with a terminal disease gives up most of us can understand why and accept it faster than an unexplained suicide. Would you put your family through this? I couldn't. Leaving them wondering what they could have done differently to prevent and perhaps see them through whatever problems they are having. A lot of people say they put their family first. When they commit suicide they really don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Bob
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  • bustedknee
    I don't think I could do it. I don't have the "courage".

    Seems to me there are two kinds of people that commit suicide.

    1. Mentally ill. ITS AN ILLNESS! Sometimes temporary and sometimes permenant. Sadly, many apply a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    2. Those who weigh the factors and likely results of their situation then make the decision to spare themselves and loved-ones an awful (for lack of a better word) experience.


    I have utmost respect for both types.
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  • wiplash
    mrmike08075 wrote:
    So Nord was a coward now???

    You might want to think on that some.

    Many who commit suicide are severely mentally ill and have not been diagnosed or treated effectively - alcohol and drugs accelerate the process...

    If I found out today that cancer was back and terminal I may choose the hospice care option this time which is physician assisted suicide - care to call me a coward or deny my right to choose after what I have been through???

    You might want to think on that some.

    How close are you to someone - how well do you know them - how clearly do you see into their hearts and minds and souls - can you weigh the burden they carry??? And not know suicide was a possibility or that they were greatly altered and suffering...

    You might want to think on that some.

    More here than meets the eye - much beneath the surface or beyond your perceptual event horizon.

    Mike

    Ya know Mike, awhile back you posted that you didn't like me because you thought I posted something derogatory about you.

    The feelings mutual, but I don't comment on any of your threads and skip anything you post. Why don't you do the same thing with me. You have your opinions and I have mine.
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  • mrmike08075
    Yes clearly I did something wrong or overstepped.

    Mike
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  • buschmaster
    I think most of the suicides that aren't quality-of-life issues, are done out of guilt, remorse, or rejection, which would be for the purpose of gaining forgiveness, atonement, or some sort of subjugated acceptance. sad all around and I don't see how those are a selfish evil act meant to harm people. nothing but a love twisted beyond recognition by a cruel world or tragic series of events. it's not about hate, it's about love and caring.

    of course there may be a few of those, there's everything imaginable in this world. probably rare.

    just my 2c
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  • Ditch-Runner
    I remember even as a young kid people I knew or related too have went the route of ending it them self many reasons ( some tried several times before succeeding ) some lived thru it . some I thought were justified some just stupid ( high school kids killing them self over a lost boy or girl friend )
    know several who did that or tried .
    I have told my family I will end my life if faced with a disabling, painful , or no hope to get better health issue or a combination of them . I have watched too many family and friends suffer for months with cancer withering and wasting away in pain or drugged up to the point they do not even know there alive same with dementia years of no interaction with the real world burden to the loved ones who also give up and life of there own to take care of them , I know its a burden of love wife and I have been there several times but I refuse to be the burden on some one else ,
    I just hope I have the chance to follow thu on my decision and not in a coma for years and have told my family donate any thing left of me that may help another family enjoy more time with a loved one
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  • wiplash
    I was commenting on the Ops post about offing themselves over mental Problems.

    Physical problems are a whole different thing.
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  • Mobuck
    Judge not until you have stood in their shoes
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  • sharpshooter039
    Say what you want or call it what you want but I have seen my mother ,my uncle and one of my older brothers go out with cancer. If I get it,,, I will NOT go out that way,, I will go on my own terms when I decide.. My wife is well aware of my feelings on the matter and understands. I guess I am an odd ball as I have never feared death .. death is inevitable to us all,, but I do fear the way I might die
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  • Marc1301
    Mobuck wrote:
    Judge not until you have stood in their shoes
    Yep
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  • BobJudy
    Marc1301 wrote:
    Mobuck wrote:
    Judge not until you have stood in their shoes
    Yep

    If you recall I started this thread about two people that did not have physical problems. I have never stood in the shoes of murderers, rapists, drug pushers or any other members of society that cause the same level of family grief that these two did by committing suicide. Yet we all judge these cretins. So I am sorry, we will just have to agree to disagree about judging the selfishness of the two people I am talking about. Bob
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  • Wrangler
    I've investigated a few suicides over the years. Our society is so doped up on prescription meds, that I firmly believe that a lot of suicides are due to unintended reactions due to mixing multiple medications. I'm no medical doctor, but just from my normal investigations and talking to people, our society is on meds for everything.
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  • JamesRK
    A prison psychologist told me he thought the majority of prison suicides were failed attempted suicides.
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  • select-fire
    The only suicide whose fate is certain was Judas, who fell into remorse rather than repentance, and the difference is that he was ashamed of himself out of pride, and so he ?repented to himself? and became the ?son of destruction? (Matthew 27:3; John 17:12). Christians should not lose hope for those they loved and lost. Saint John Vianney, that master of mystical intuition, told a woman whose husband had jumped off a bridge: ?Do not despair. Between the bridge and the water, he made an act of contrition.?
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