My Wife is in the hospital in the worst way...
June, my wife, recently had left shoulder replacement but that wasn't the source of her pain. I took her to the emergency room in Fayetteville, GA on Monday due to the pain in her neck and shoulders getting worse everyday. After doing MRI's, CAT scans and a biopsy they've determined she has upper spine cancer and lung cancer and now have moved her to a hospital in Atlanta. She's always been in good health and now we're hit with this news and it was the most shocking thing we've ever experienced.
To make matters worse I can't be with her because of the virus. I'm having to sit at home and talk to her and the doctors by phone. When she calls crying over the pain it's about more than I can handle. Knowing she lying there suffering and there's nothing I can do about it is the worse thing I've ever had to deal with. I was able to stay with her in the hospital room from 9:00 AM until 6:00 PM at the hospital in Fayetteville for 3 days but since they moved her to Atlanta yesterday I can't visit her at all.
She is supposed to have surgery on her neck this Sunday morning. The doctor said this surgery will take 8 or 9 hours. Her C 2 vertebrae is deteriorated and putting pressure on the spine and it appears there's a tumor in the C3 vertebrae that's destroying it also. The doctor is concerned about having good bones to attached the rods and screws to in order to support the neck to get the pressure off of her spine which is causing the pain. I asked him about not having the surgery and doing the radiation treatment first and then doing the surgery and he said the radiation treatment will damage the tissue to where they couldn't do the surgery. He said she'll have to wait about 4 weeks before the radiation and chemo treatments can be started after the surgery.
I've talked to 3 or 4 different doctors today. It looks like it's going to be a long ordeal to recovery but they said her being in such good health otherwise that she has a good chance of making a recovery.
June and I have been together since we were just kids, she's 69 and I'm 71. If she goes I don't think I'll be able to continue without her.
If anyone feels like saying a prayer for her it will be appreciated.
To make matters worse I can't be with her because of the virus. I'm having to sit at home and talk to her and the doctors by phone. When she calls crying over the pain it's about more than I can handle. Knowing she lying there suffering and there's nothing I can do about it is the worse thing I've ever had to deal with. I was able to stay with her in the hospital room from 9:00 AM until 6:00 PM at the hospital in Fayetteville for 3 days but since they moved her to Atlanta yesterday I can't visit her at all.
She is supposed to have surgery on her neck this Sunday morning. The doctor said this surgery will take 8 or 9 hours. Her C 2 vertebrae is deteriorated and putting pressure on the spine and it appears there's a tumor in the C3 vertebrae that's destroying it also. The doctor is concerned about having good bones to attached the rods and screws to in order to support the neck to get the pressure off of her spine which is causing the pain. I asked him about not having the surgery and doing the radiation treatment first and then doing the surgery and he said the radiation treatment will damage the tissue to where they couldn't do the surgery. He said she'll have to wait about 4 weeks before the radiation and chemo treatments can be started after the surgery.
I've talked to 3 or 4 different doctors today. It looks like it's going to be a long ordeal to recovery but they said her being in such good health otherwise that she has a good chance of making a recovery.
June and I have been together since we were just kids, she's 69 and I'm 71. If she goes I don't think I'll be able to continue without her.
If anyone feels like saying a prayer for her it will be appreciated.
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I talked to several people at the hospital this morning before I was finally approved to see her today at 1:00 PM for a 2 hour visit. 12 -
I'm glad they are letting you in. It's bound to decrease your anxiety level. 0 -
Prayers continue for you and your wife Greg.
Hope for the best possible outcome for you both.
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Great news! Prayers for more of the same asked. 0 -
Great to hear that something that delicate and long went so well. Will keep you both in thoughts and prayers Smitty.
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Today was a terrible, terrible day and I don't think June has very much time left. Due to the surgery she developed blood clots in the lungs and then she had a stroke this morning. She's still awake and knows most everything that's going on and talks to me.
They've been giving her pain meds with a button that she can push every 10 minutes that will give it a boost but now she can't push the button and the pain gets worse. So they started giving her some stronger stuff that they inject into the IV and it pretty much knocks her out for a while.
I was made to leave at 5:00 PM as they were taking her to the OR to put screens in the arteries from her legs to keep other blood clots from going to the lungs. I just called the nurse a little while ago and she's back in her room in the ICU and she's asleep now.
They changed the visiting hours starting tomorrow from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM for one family member only but that still leaves a lot of hours where she'll be alone and I can't stand the thoughts of her dying alone. It's better than the 1 or 2 hours that I've had to beg to get approval for the past few days.
I don't think I did the right thing now letting them do surgery on her. The surgeon told me before the surgery that the operation would relieve the pain in the in neck and then the pain from the surgery wouldn't be as bad as the pressure the deteriorated bones were putting on her spin. So I agreed and let them do it but now the pain seems to be as bad or worse and she can hardly move due to the neck brace. I was wanting her to not suffer during the time she has left before the lung cancer killers her and now it appears my decision is going to cause her to die sooner than if they had left her alone plus now being in as much or more pain than before. Looks like I really screwed this one up which will be hard to live with.
Now I've got another big decision to make because they asked me to sign a DNR form today. I can't sign that knowing she's still alert and can still talk with me. If she were a vegetable of course I'd say do not resuscitate her. But on the other hand if she has a heart attack and they do resuscitate her and she goes into a coma and continues to have the pain without being able to tell anyone that would be a living hell. So what do I do? My Sons say the same thing as me. We can't imagine talking to her one minute and then she has a heart attack the next and then we don't try to resuscitate her and just watch her die.
I just wish it was me and not her. I always thought I'd be the first one to go.0 -
Smitty,
I've dealt with patient's and families in situations like yours and your wife's many times. One thing I want you to know is that there are no wrong decisions. You make the best decision you can with the information you have. You can not control the outcome and there is no way for you to foresee it. There are no wrong decisions in this situation.
On the DNR. Go back to any discussions you and your wife had concerning these type of events. Think of what she relayed to you and what she may want done. Again Smitty, there are no wrong decisions. When things do not turn out the way we wanted or expected we will second guess ourselves. But you are making the decisions based on the information you have at the time and the outcome is something you can not know in advance.
Best wishes and prayers,9 -
My prayers continue for you both Smitty. 0 -
Prays sent for your wife and you. 0 -
I agree with SCOUT5, do not beat yourself up over any decisions that you have made; they were based on your love for your wife and the information you had at the time! My prayers continue for your wife, you, and your family! 0 -
I also agree with SCOUT5 and OldColts.
If we ever had to wait for all the information needed to make the best decision we’d never make any.
You have to go with the information that you have at the time, and you couldn’t have moved her to another great hospital or Mayo or Cleveland Clinic for more opinions. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
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Same here Greg.
Difficult and saddening to read this update. (Early this AM, have been at a loss as to what to say to you.)
I am continuing to Pray that God will lay his Healing Hand upon June and you both.
Take comfort in knowing June takes great comfort in knowing, you are there for Her.
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Today was not as painful for June as it was yesterday and she was very alert but the bad news continues.
The scans they ran yesterday afternoon showed that she had 2 small strokes instead of one. The strokes do not appear to have caused any problems with her speech or limb movements which is the only good news about that.
Today they tried to get her to sit up on the side of the bed in order to just get her up so she doesn't develop more blood clots and pneumonia but the pain was to much. They will try again in the morning. She's also not eaten much of anything for about 5 days or so and tomorrow morning they're going to insert a feeding tube in through her nose.
At least the visiting hours were changed today. I was able to stay with her from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM.
After that plus the two trips I made though Atlanta rush hour traffic today has me exhausted.
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You both are still in our prayers. I have some advice that might be painful but I don't mean it to be. Don't wear yourself out and end up sick or even in the hospital. That won't do either of you any good. You need to maintain your strength to support your wife in the long run. Bob 0 -
Bob I appreciate the prayers and all you other guys that are praying for us also. And I appreciate you all letting me get some of this stuff off of my chest since our family is scattered all over the country and I'm alone here at night.BobJudy said:You both are still in our prayers. I have some advice that might be painful but I don't mean it to be. Don't wear yourself out and end up sick or even in the hospital. That won't do either of you any good. You need to maintain your strength to support your wife in the long run. Bob
I know what you're talking about not wearing myself out but I don't know how to not do it. I continue to worry even when I go to bed. I've not lost this much weight in such a short period of time even when I had emergency surgery 4 years ago.
The real killer for me is the fact she's lying there without any loved ones around during the night. I just called her nurse in the ICU a little while ago and was glad to find that she was in the room with June at the time I called. I don't want to call so often I become an aggravation to them so I've been calling one time between 10:00 PM and midnight and once at around 7:00 AM since she's been in the ICU just to let her know I'm thinking about her and that I didn't get killed in the Atlanta Demolition Derby race on I-75 on the way home. Now that I'm able to get in to see her early I can just limit it to one call at night.
The way she's got so many IV lines running in her right arm and her left arm she can't use due to the surgery on it makes talking on her cell phone pretty much impossible at this time so the only way I can find out if she's OK is to call them. I'm not sure but I don't think she's allowed to have a cell phone in the ICU even if she was able to use it? Plus they lost the charger to her phone when they moved her from her room to the ICU.0 -
Smitty, three years ago my wife had a stroke probably because she refused to take the blood thinner for a-fib. She already had two stents in her heart and a ablation. A year ago she had her left knee replaced because it was badly torn from stroke fall and she needs other knee replaced also. In July she had double Pneumonia with a lot of fluid around her heart. It was bad and they would not let me see her because of the Virus. She actually was tested 5 times negative. After about five days of this I could not take any more. Each day they stopped me at the main entrance and turned me away. I showed up with a get well card and a long note inside. They refused to let me take the card to her or even deliver it. I went ballistic and told the gate keeper to go get his security chief or I would fight my way to the fifth floor. He was gone for at least 15 minutes and I thought when do the police show up because I had seen another incident. Finally the gatekeeper showed up and said my chief says I am to hand carry this card directly to your wife. I guess sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Eventually i was told the whole 5th floor was isolated in case patients had the virus. After i think a week they moved her and i was allowed one hour per day.
Smitty, I have been there and you are doing the best you can. Tonight and the following nights I will pray for you and that the Lord will ease June's pain. ---------------Ray0 -
Barzillia said:The first couple of days post op are always the worst for pain, it will get better.
Try not to focus on today, but begin to start making plans for where your wife will receive rehab care after the stay in ICU and surgical floor.
Start talking with the discharge planner or case manager now , and see if the hospital has a skilled nursing unit (SNF).
Yes, that's a good idea. I talked with a nurse supervisor when June was in the Piedmont Hospital in Fayetteville last week before she was moved to Atlanta and she said they had a good program there at the hospital for rehab. I can't remember what the group or program was called but I'll call tomorrow and see what I need to do. It will be better to get her closer to home. I do know that the hospital is associated with the MD Anderson Cancer Center and I've read good things about them.
Today her pain was much better. The surgery evidently did relieve the pressure off of her spine and the morphine injection button is giving her relief today that it wasn't coming close to touching the pain a few days ago. She's been able to sleep also.
I think the out pouring of prayers from across the country have everything to do with her having relief from the pain. Just a few days ago she was moaning in agony around the clock with no sleep. Starting yesterday and today she's not been suffering nearly as much. You guys and my family and their friends along with the guys I used to work with have churches all over the country praying for June and we appreciate it more than we can convey with words.
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Smitty500mag said:I was supposed to have only spent an hour visiting with her today but there was a good head nurse on the floor and she said I could stay until 15 minutes before her shift change. She didn't want anyone one else coming in to know I had stayed that long. I stayed from 1:00 PM until 6:30 PM.
There are some real angels that work in hospitals. June has had some of the best and when I was in for surgery 4 years ago I had several that were God sent taking care of me. Thank God for those women.
Tomorrow and Tuesday I'll have to call back and get approved again to visit. Since she's going to be spending at least 8 to 9 hours in surgery and 2 to 3 hours in recovery I may not get in tomorrow at all since it'll be late tomorrow evening or later before she gets out of recovery. I talked to one of the supervisors today and she said they had plans to change the visiting hours on Wednesday so maybe I'll get in from 9:00 AM until 6:00 PM like I was when she was in the hospital earlier in the week in Fayetteville, GA before they moved her to Atlanta. These visiting hours are a bunch of bull.
It's a wonder I didn't die in the traffic in Atlanta just getting to the hospital today. It was even more terrifying coming home. I used to work in downtown Atlanta 18 years ago and drove all over town during the day for 3 years going from one school construction site to another which required trips back and forth all day long to the office. It was bad back then but it's 10 times worse now! I've never seen anything like it and this was on Sunday not even during a rush hour.
I also meant to add that during the 5 1/2 hours that I was there while going out in the hallway to the vending machines to get snacks I did not see another visitor on her floor . The north parking deck where I parked there wasn't a dozen cars in the whole place. Other than nurses the place seemed very strange to be that empty and that hospital is big.
I am so sorry for all that you are both going through. I keep thinking about both of you having to deal with extremely hard circumstances and being kept apart while going through it. I was so relieved to hear you had a kind nurse that let you stay with her. I know what you mean about how odd hospitals are these days. When my father passed we were some of the only "civilians" in the whole thing it seemed.....empty halls.....clear parking lots......roaming around and not seeing anyone besides the few workers you run into. Its a terrible time to have anything serious going on. I hope you guys get some relief soon. You certainly deserve it.0 -
I am sure this is very difficult to deal with. Just another way the damdemic is creating mass chaos and stress.Food for though. Sometimes we try to do everything on our, independent bunch aren't we. Some advice and it is not easy to follow. Take a dept breath, grab hold of every bit of faith in your mind and "let go and let GOD".Hard to do but I have been there more than once.This ole life ain't nothing but a test for the future.All the best and prayers to all. IHN.
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Smitty,
Continuing prayers from here. As I said before I can't begin to imagine how difficult this is for you, stay strong for June and get through this as best you can for both of you. God Bless0 -
My prayers are with you and Judy.
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Thanks again guys for caring and for the prayers.
This is a nightmare that I hope none of you all ever have to go through. Having to leave her in the hospital by herself everyday at 6:00 PM is about more than I can handle. The only good news is she's not been crying out in pain for the past 3 or 4 days.0 -
You both continue to be in my morning and nightly prayers.
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best thing you can do is look for the best no matter where it may be, will continue sending prayes for both of you 0 -
Trust in God. He will provide and care for you and Judy. 6 -
I'm sitting here beside June this Sunday morning at the hospital. I asked her if there's anything she wants to say to you guys & ladies on the forum. June said with a smile to tell you all that she really appreciates the prayers and to keep them coming when you can. She's dozing off and on so she's not feeling to much pain again today. That's a big blessing that's she's not suffering.
They're getting her ready for another MRI this morning so they've giving her some anxiety meds because the MRI machine makes her a little claustrophobic.
They removed the drain from the back of her neck this morning and the incision where the surgery was done looks good with no drainage. So far so good with that part of it. They were able to start giving her blood thinner for the blood clots in her lungs today since they were able to remove the drain. They were afraid she might bleed out until the drain was removed.
She'll have to remain here in Atlanta until the surgeon feels comfortable for her to return to the hospital in Fayetteville where they can start radiation treatments etc. and rehab.
After the surgery a few days ago I didn't think she would live though the night but she's tough and they say her vital signs are still very good.
Looks like I'll be sitting around a long while waiting on her to get back from having the MRI and other tests that they have planned for today. I talked to the doctor this morning and he said it was going to take longer than normal because they were going to do some extensive testing.
Hopefully we'll make it though the day without anymore bad news.3 -
That's great news!!! 0 -
Hopefully, the worst pain is over. Keep us posted when you can. 0 -
Good news/update Smitty/Greg.
Good thoughts and Prayers for healing continue Brother.
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It's been 14 days since June was transferred to this hospital in Atlanta from the one in Fayetteville and we're still here. She's supposed to be going to a rehab center in a few days where she'll stay until she's able to start radiation treatments. The bad news about that is there's no visitation allowed. The longest we've ever been apart in over a half century is 5 days back in 1985. This is not going to be good.
The pain meds have her pain under control most of the time, meaning she's not screaming out in pain most of the time, but she's still in plenty of pain. Keeping an IV in her arm has become a problem so they put in a "main line" yesterday but it quit working and blood went all over her gown and sheets last night and she had to go without her pain meds for a while. It's hard to find a good vein in her arm for the IV's to remain in place.
There's no good ending in sight. It's been a real nightmare so far and it continues.0
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