Old age, assisted living and guns...
My folks live outside Richmond...scene of civil disturbances, cops shot etc...my folks living in assisted living that doesn't provide any real security...they've been essentially locked in there due to Covid for three months...only getting out twice...seeing my sister for a few minutes in secret. Dad turns 86 end of this month, and is slowing losing his faculties, he's essentially deaf, and very weak and unstable...mom is 83 with advancing Alzheimers....he's on hydrocodone due to his crippled back...he's feeling exceptionally vulnerable...he briefly had a couple guns in his late 70s. He's never been a gun person, and frankly I don't think has much of a killer instinct to use them if he needed too...it wasn't until he recognized that he couldn't protect my mother anymore that he had any interest in owning a gun...he's never been a hunter, never been particularly well versed in their use, though he practiced a little bit when he had a revolver. Well we got the guns away from him several years ago when they moved into assisted living. So on the basis of all that he is now sending me text messages, essentially begging me to bring him a gun...that's not going to happen...my first concern is I can see him using on my mom and himself in a fit of depression before he'll need to use it to protect them. Or my mom using it on herself. I guess I'll just have to rip the scab off and tell him I can't do it. Frankly, if it gets to a point that roving bands of predators go into their assisted living, a revolver isn't going do much but delay the inevitable. It's just so depressing to deny him this...getting old really sucks...at 7K a month rent the residents should demand they hire an armed security officer atleast at night.
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Tough situation.
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Sorry for the problem, worrying about your folks must be stressful.
7K a month LOL, Wow I gotta open a parking place for old folks, maybe buy an old hotel. That figure is something that 95% of the population will never afford, hell most Americans don't make that working! At least they are somewhere being cared for.0 -
7k is the going rate for assisted living or re-hab.They all read from the same book I think.
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I've offered to give him some OC spray.Henry0Reilly said:0 -
There is quite a bit more to it then a room. You pretty much give up all your privacy when you move into one of these places. It was a real adjustment for my folks because their staff will just walk into the apt unannounced. If you don't show up for meals they will come and check on you, they come by once a week and weigh you, they will provide your medicines daily if you require it. My folks had to hang a sign on the door because the staff would come in and wake my mom up in the afternoons when it's a nap time, which really screwed her schedule up. To frank if I live that long I don't think I could live in one of those places, it was quite sad to see them give up their nice home, with all his flower gardens etc for a small two bedroom apt with zero privacy. It's sad, they'd both just assume move on to after life, especially as my Mom fades away.mogley98 said:Sorry for the problem, worrying about your folks must be stressful.
7K a month LOL, Wow I gotta open a parking place for old folks, maybe buy an old hotel. That figure is something that 95% of the population will never afford, hell most Americans don't make that working! At least they are somewhere being cared for.0 -
My elderly cousin lived in an assisted living facility that was once a lake resort, on the bank of Lake Hamilton. She had one of the smaller rooms, but all her needs were met, and the rent was just under $3G a month. She recently moved to a smaller place where the rent is a little less, and there are fewer residents, so she gets better care. 0 -
YepFlying Clay Disk said:I think I'll just go eat a bullet before I'd do that...especially after seeing it in action for a number of years.
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Many states, including VA, have volumes of laws & regulations for nursing homes, assisted living homes, & mental care facilities. BY LAW, the administrator is responsible for the health & safety of all residents. Anyone, including residents, who is a threat to himself or others in the facility must either be locked up or removed from the facility. I think that you can avoid being "the bad guy" to your father by asking the administrator in writing if you dad can have a gun there; I'm sure that will request will be denied.In Central MD, most facilities for the aged have mostly unarmed guards with minimal training. Some also have armed guards who must pass a state course that includes range time; I think that they usually get paid $2 an hour more. Most elderly residents have no cash or valuables to steal, but they are extremely vulnerable to an attack by a psychopath; I hope that we never have to deal with that.There was an incident in Baltimore in 2018:I used to work with the man; nicest person I ever met. I believe that it was a mercy killing/suicide. It made all the facility administrators nervous.Neal
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I don't know about assisted living homes, shilowar, but it has been my experience that the administrators of nursing homes are the sorriest %$^*& that have ever lived, that is, if I don't throw in politicians, the media, BLM crowds, ANTIFA pukes, etc. And, I would imagine that those running assisted living homes are, too, when push comes to shove. You are in a tough spot, and the scum are running amok in Richmond. What to do?
As much as I hate to say it as I clinch my teeth thinking about such situations...I do believe that you are doing the right thing. My sister is in a far worse place, far worse, and she's making it, but that might be due in large part to her mind coming and going...at least she has been just fine according to the phone calls we have had since this virus thing started. She is a retired police dispatcher and grew up around guns. She was not one to fool with as a kid (or adult), as some girls and boys alike found out the hard way, so I would not giver her her guns back.
My only remaining Uncle, one of nine, called me last night. He and his wife live in Houston, and they are about 85. Although they get around okay, I believe they are feeling vulnerable, too. He keeps a 38 revolver at his chair and has an over/under derringer with a .410 shell in one chamber. He'd use them against scum if need be.
Good luck to you and your parents!0 -
WTG, FCD!!!!Flying Clay Disk said:My parents were in a similar facility, same price range too. Place seemed really nice at first, but over time I wound up hating that place! Had words with them, and their security on more than one occasion. I had a real eye opener when one of the residents started stalking Mom (seriously too! Even tried to force his way into her place). Called the security people and told them they needed to get a handle on the situation...OR I WOULD! They allegedly went and talked with this guy and "everything will be fine now". Well, it wasn't! He kept doing it! I'm in Colorado and they were in Michigan, so I couldn't just drive over there. "Talked" to the local security supervisor, then his boss, then the manager of the community, then one of their corporate VP's; FIX the problem...OR I WILL!!, and everyone assured me "everything will be fine now". Still didn't stop!! Time to fix the problem!Called the local City Police Department and the county Sheriff's Department. Local City PD went over there and got turned away, local security would handle it they said. Turned the Sheriff's Department away also, but they didn't go away so easily!! They called in their commander, and they came back with the paddy wagon and said they'd take the whole security detail to jail if they barred them entry again and even call in SWAT if need be. These guys were NOT playin' around! Went in, got a statement from Mom and two other eyewitnesses and arrested this A**hole and took his sorry a** to the lockup!Got a phone call the next day from the national office of this place (they're all over). This muckity muck tells me..."DON'T YOU EVER, AND I MEAN EVER, DO THAT AGAIN!!...and if you do I will personally see to it that your mother is removed from this facility!" Said they arrested one of his "security" officers, detained and questioned several others and had like "fifty cop cars" there (which I'm sure was an exaggeration, but who knows). Woke up every resident in the entire 1,500 person community, his phones were ringing off the hook, people threatening to leave, demanding answers, local media calling and asking quesitons...and how bad this looked...for them! Guess what I told him???? Hint - it starts with a "T" and ends with a "T" and has a "OUGH SHI" in the middle! Next time...you FIX the problem...OR I WILL! "everything was fine" after that!
Got a call several days later from some executive groveling in apologies...after he found out they charged this dude with a Felony...saying the other butt-head had been let go and pleading with me not to go to the press (who were apparently hounding him trying to find out what happened).Interestingly, my discussion with the Sheriff's department the one night was pretty informative. They'd apparently been turned away before and didn't sound too pleased about it and/or their "Security" team!I was always just itching to pounce on that place again, but nothing like that ever happened again
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A sad situation altogether. Getting old sucks but its in our genes. I too watched relatives pass. How people deal with inevitable demise is based on ones faith. Faith is a powerful tool for ameliorating life conditions: That is for the dwindling population that believes.
It angers me every time I think of DEMOCRAT governors in NJ, NY and CT placing COVID patients in nursing homes. A factoid covered by the media.0 -
Add in a slew of mayors as well, chief!chiefr said:A sad situation altogether. Getting old sucks but its in our genes. I too watched relatives pass. How people deal with inevitable demise is based on ones faith. Faith is a powerful tool for ameliorating life conditions: That is for the dwindling population that believes.
It angers me every time I think of DEMOCRAT governors in NJ, NY and CT placing COVID patients in nursing homes. A factoid covered by the media.
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Yeah the facility administrators are constant changing, so is the ownership. They've lived there nearly two years and ownership has changed three times. The current investment group is putting alot of money into the place though, improving the facilities, but they don't have any security other then a couple men that work at night, but aren't in any kind of security attire, they are more custodians. It's more for their perception, the reality is that if the SHTF, other than my sister getting them out of there, isn't much that can be done to protect them. I just hate seeing them spending their final months/years cooped up and living in fear.kimi said:I don't know about assisted living homes, shilowar, but it has been my experience that the administrators of nursing homes are the sorriest %$^*& that have ever lived, that is, if I don't throw in politicians, the media, BLM crowds, ANTIFA pukes, etc. And, I would imagine that those running assisted living homes are, too, when push comes to shove. You are in a tough spot, and the scum are running amok in Richmond. What to do?
As much as I hate to say it as I clinch my teeth thinking about such situations...I do believe that you are doing the right thing. My sister is in a far worse place, far worse, and she's making it, but that might be due in large part to her mind coming and going...at least she has been just fine according to the phone calls we have had since this virus thing started. She is a retired police dispatcher and grew up around guns. She was not one to fool with as a kid (or adult), as some girls and boys alike found out the hard way, so I would not giver her her guns back.
My only remaining Uncle, one of nine, called me last night. He and his wife live in Houston, and they are about 85. Although they get around okay, I believe they are feeling vulnerable, too. He keeps a 38 revolver at his chair and has an over/under derringer with a .410 shell in one chamber. He'd use them against scum if need be.
Good luck to you and your parents!
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I fully realize the care that goes with the living quarters my point was simply that it is a shame that a person must either have very significant resources or do without that type of care.
My Mom and her husband have a very nice retirement income with no debt a little over 5K a month between SS and pensions but that clearly wouldn't cover assisted living.
Whatever works for each individual but clearly since almost 90% of the population earns less than 100K a year assisted living facilities are only affordable for the top earners/savers.
Considering the feedback on the care provided perhaps many are better off not being able to live in these places.
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For most seniors, it is not about the income coming in but the life savings that has been banked over their lifetime. These care facilities take most of these savings away in much less time than it took to sock it away! Just another very sad state of affairs to think about.
Shilowar, I sincerely hope you can make your dad feel at ease anyway you can during these strange times we are going through. I'm sure you stay in touch with him on a daily basis and that alone should give him great comfort by itself. I commend you for doing your best in your parents interests and pray that the stress you are enduring is lifted off your shoulders. Good times ahead for all of you!0 -
There are facilities out there that are income based. Plus many middle class folks have homes they can sell to pay towards it. These costs are the reason that long term care insurance has become a product that people invest in. It's a booming business, they are building these facilities all over the country as fast as they can because of the huge Boomer generation. The previous generations had their children and family to care for them, that kind of family obligation and bond doesn't exist today like it once did, plus people are living far longer then they used too. My dad was quite discipline din investing and saving towards this eventuality. Unfortunately many aren't, the stats for people even saving towards retirement are not very good, let alone even considering long term care once they are feeble.mogley98 said:I fully realize the care that goes with the living quarters my point was simply that it is a shame that a person must either have very significant resources or do without that type of care.
My Mom and her husband have a very nice retirement income with no debt a little over 5K a month between SS and pensions but that clearly wouldn't cover assisted living.
Whatever works for each individual but clearly since almost 90% of the population earns less than 100K a year assisted living facilities are only affordable for the top earners/savers.
Considering the feedback on the care provided perhaps many are better off not being able to live in these places.
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How about a blank / starter pistol. I just dug one out for a lady friend of ours who lives alone.
We moved my mother 94 & aunt 99 into a house just down the street. They're basically ok by themselves for now. I do all the driving, shopping, etc. I think I would rather see about having some one come it than have them go to a home.0 -
My Dad turns 90 today, and he asked me if I could bring his .45...again. And again, I had to explain to him they will evict him just for having it in there, even unloaded. I've had a couple of go arounds with the staff and admin after he first moved in there, and just like FCD did, I told them to take care of it, or I would. First time I had to, was the last time. Also installed surveillance cameras, that several family members can hit a button on their phones, and see what's going on live, with sound. It's come in handy a couple of times. Outrageous what they charge, and what they pay their staff, and 90% of the staff are green card workers. 0 -
Yeah no..I'm not going to do that. I told him I wasn't going to provide him with a gun. He knows he shouldn't have one, that it's not a good idea. If he finds another way, if a gun shop sells him one, then that is on my dad.us55840 said:
So how about this.........give him a revolver with a filed down or removed firing pin.shilowar said:
I've offered to give him some OC spray.Henry0Reilly said:
He will never know the difference since, as you say, he is not 'into' firearms.
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PLEASE don't give a starter gun, or a gun without a firing pin, to an elderly family member; the first responding officer will not know the difference between that & a real gun until it's too late.Neal
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Happy 90th Birthday to your Dad, TRAP!TRAP55 said:My Dad turns 90 today, and he asked me if I could bring his .45...again. And again, I had to explain to him they will evict him just for having it in there, even unloaded. I've had a couple of go arounds with the staff and admin after he first moved in there, and just like FCD did, I told them to take care of it, or I would. First time I had to, was the last time. Also installed surveillance cameras, that several family members can hit a button on their phones, and see what's going on live, with sound. It's come in handy a couple of times. Outrageous what they charge, and what they pay their staff, and 90% of the staff are green card workers.
My Sister was hell on wheels whenever she visited my father in the nursing home and found problem areas.0 -
The wife and I are fortunate in that we are both vets. The care for veterans is not expected to be as good as high dollar nursing facilities, but whatever little wealth we do retain will go to our son. 0 -
Thanks Kimi, I'll pass that on to him. Called this morning to tell him happy B-day, and he was on the other line with his lady financial advisor. It's funny how he has to pause and think when I ask him what he had for dinner, but clear as a bell when he's talking his investments! 0 -
Yeah I filed the suggestion under horrible advice.nmyers said:PLEASE don't give a starter gun, or a gun without a firing pin, to an elderly family member; the first responding officer will not know the difference between that & a real gun until it's too late.Neal
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I remember when I took a my dad's gun away when he went to assisted living. I had given it to him as a birthday present years before, It was like I cut his nuts out. Now I face the situation with myself. I know a firearm has no place for a resident there. I hope I take it better than my dad. 0 -
Mother in law has been asking me to get her some ammo for a small 22 short semi auto that belonged to her first husband , my wife's father. Not going to happen , have told her it is unsafe to shoot . Woman needs a gun like a fish need some a bicycle . She is 72 and beginning to show early onset dementia no way will she get a gun 0 -
Tough spot. You have my sincere empathy.
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I really would appreciate you doing that TRAP! Add a little emphasis by raising and unfolding your hands palms up, then down and wide and say, Texas Style!!!!TRAP55 said:Thanks Kimi, I'll pass that on to him. Called this morning to tell him happy B-day, and he was on the other line with his lady financial advisor. It's funny how he has to pause and think when I ask him what he had for dinner, but clear as a bell when he's talking his investments!
It's good that he is so sharp at his age, too!3
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