Right now, I'd trade places........

sxsnuf · May 30, 2021 07:38

with just about anybody. That's how I feel, without considering how much worse some others may have it.

I'm sitting with my mother, in a pleasant room, surrounded by her favorite furnishings. There are flowers and cards filling the window sill. It's eerily quiet, save for her every laboured breath sounding like a "death rattle". I don't expect her to make it through the night, but we've thought that for the last 3 or4 nights. About 10 days ago, she began to aspirate her food and water. We quit pushing her to eat and drink, only giving either when she requested it, and only in small quantities. Now, she has tested positive for wuflu, though I don't think that's currently adding to her respiratory distress.

I never previously imagined how totally helpless I would feel in this moment, yet I know I'm fortunate to be here with her. I'm well aware of the millions who, over the last 15 months, lost loved ones to the chinese plague, with no opportunity to speak final words or just give a gentle squeeze of the hand. I can do that for my mom, and I THINK she's aware that I'm here with her. For 6 1/2 decades, she would have done anything to protect me and help me, yet I am powerless to ease her suffering.

Outside her room are 3 of those clear, plastic drawer sets. They contain gowns, faceshields, rubber gloves and n-95 masks. The expectation is, that every time I enter the room, I'm to don the full compliment of protective gear, then discard everything before leaving the room. Is it selfish of me to ignore that expectation? Should I be more willing to approach my own mother as if she's some kind of toxic waste?

Well, whether you do or don't understand what I'm rambling about, please send up a prayer or good thought on Pearl's behalf. Trust me when I say, she's earned it!

Right now, I'd trade places........

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