Any of you have kids that cut themselves out of your life once you stopped being an ATM
Our oldest is doing this to us these days. Its bothersome because I don't get to see our grandson. I can see him all I want.....but its like having an F1 tornado in your life if we choose to put up with the craziness that comes along with it. I think just letting her do her thing for a while will be good for her. Maybe getting to pay their bills, handle the hiccups that come along while taking care of themselves will help her to realize how hard it is and HOPEFULLY she will come around.
I thought she was just busy and I was timing my calls when she wasn't available....but I just realized she has "unfriended" me on Facebook. So, who knows????
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i let it slip that i lost my investments during the covid down turn i have not gotin a hey how are since last sept from what is left of family does that count
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Yes they will get mad and try to "show" you. However, it seems that they come back. Of course sometimes it takes a while. Don
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cut out yes, but not for that reason
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I think the main problem is things are hard......and for some strange reason, I'm supposed to be a barrier for that to never happen. I haven't figured out what the rules exactly are, but from what I can discern if I'm not 100% shoring up whatever nonsense is going on with no regard for my own life its cause to be punished.
My hopes are that a lot of growing up happens and reality sets in so I can someday get to be the grandparent I really want to be. Its just unfair to be punished when all you've done was help in the past and cannot continue to "help" in the way someone thinks you should. Being around, being someone to talk to, visit with, should be enough.
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Cut themselves out? I wish.
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With all of the lists of what it takes to retire comfortably on the internet these days, the one thing never included is having enough funds to keep little Johnny or little Suzy out of bankruptcy. 😕
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Because of the distance involved between me and my three children from my first marriage there are no problems but it truly sucks having grandchildren and rarely seeing them.
My two children from my second marriage are a whole different can of worms. Both are literally underfoot what seems like all the time but they are two really good kids so that is just fine with me!!
Our just turned 22 year old son likes to show up around supper time as he loves his Mom's cooking!! The problem is he loves to wind his Mother up and have Mom foaming at the mouth right before he leaves heading for his place. Mom cannot understand she is being played like a cheap fiddle and our son is joking and having fun cranking her up. So I get to listen to her complain for 20 minutes after he leaves. She REALLY complains if I make the mistake of hollowing with laughter as he cranks her up!! 😁 Such is life in the Dreher household!!
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They generally come back to their raising.
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Let the Little Miss go her own way. It is about time she learned to be self sufficient.
In fact, you are doing her harm if you come up with the cash every time she is in a pinch. Time for her to grow up. She will be back, soon enough.
Look at the other side of the coin. I graduated from high school in June of 1968. In the fall of that year my classmate Charlie was a freshman at Georgia Tech. He had been a starting football player in high school. Tall, and good looking and real smart. It looked like the streets were paved with gold for Charlie.
Charlie was still living at home that fall. And a year later he flunked out of Ga. Tech. And one year ago, Charlie was still living in his parents' basement. At age 70, he never had moved out.
His parents let him down by continuing to support him for all those years, they needed to cut the apron strings back when he was 19 years old and let Charlie go out into the world and make it on his own.
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Cutting the strings is exactly the plan. I think this will end up being a blessing if it goes well.
I just hope that once the dust settles I get to see my grandson.
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Never been an ATM, always willing to help if I can but I get paid back with interest. Wife and I are blessed that both are girls are local and employed so far so good, praying it stays that way.
I'm sure she will grow up and realize your Mom not First Federal!
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It sure would be nice if parenting came with a good handbook. I hope things turn around for you LF.
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Welcome to the club Kasey. Not to scare you but I had one that didn't come back to the real world until he was in his 40's. 😕
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Saw it with the in-laws. The parents kept the door open (and the ATM closed) for many years. The wayward child made amends once she started having children. Everyone seems happy now, but the parents clearly would prefer to have avoided the painful stretch.
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I help mine if they truly need it..but I learned a long time ago.. You Can't Buy Love..But You Can Damn Sure Rent It...
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If you will stick by your decision to no longer be the ATM, and get your relationship with your daughter on a level playing field, there is one big thing in your favor. Young mommies often need a babysitter. Want some time to themselves away from the diminutive yard-ape. Free babysitters are better than ones you have to pay.
And grandmas are at the top of the list.
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Locust Fork: 31516851086363/comments/31516820400923
Cutting the strings is exactly the plan. I think this will end up being a blessing if it goes well.
I just hope that once the dust settles I get to see my grandson.
Good plan, it took my youngest son three years to come around. Kids growing into adulthood is hard on both the kid and the parents. It takes time for them to learn and grow into independent, productive and responsible adults. Being the "Bank of Easy Money" never lets them learn what you had to learn as you raised them.
It hurts badly, it is painful to go on for what seems eons to let them learn. But, learn they must and will or they will not, the choice is theirs to make. You can't teach them, they must learn life's lessons on its own and their terms. You just have to deal with it and PRAY.
She will be back, as a responsible adult, with kids of her own, seeking your wisdom and approval for her successes and understanding for her failures. There is nothing you can do but cause harm by enabling her to continue as "your baby", easing her life's burdens and teaching moments.
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The last call I got was nothing but a long list of things they needed, money for this and that, it was just thing after thing after thing and I hadn't been able to get in touch with her for weeks. So, I just ignored all the massive hints and just asked the questions I had been wanting to ask when I tried calling all those times. How is John? Is he saying any new words? How is potty training going? Any pictures you can send me? All of that got brushed away and more hints for money were dropped. I'm just done being there JUST for money when she wants it. I'll keep trying to call her just to talk and hopefully she will answer sometime soon.
They moved three hours away, which isn't the other side of the planet....but it might as well be. It was helpful for them to be near her husband's family because they have a better schedule to help them with the baby while they work than I do. I'd love to be able to keep him some, but regularly isn't something I could do with everything I have going on.
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Keep being tough...They will figure it out when left to do so... 😉
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Sorry for your situation. You're such a kind and caring person, this isn't deserved.
Hope everything works out well, and you can continue to spoil your wonderful grandson.
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The "unfriend" on facebook might have been system glitch.
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I'm sure it will all level out.....all three of ours are adults now. All of them are doing well, and I'm pretty lucky in all reality. I think my oldest is just a bit hard headed and learns lessons "her own way" (where she got THAT from I'll never know?)
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